


never seen anything (quite like you tonight)

by weddingbells



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Drug Use, M/M, Prostitution, abuse is only mentioned not described, idek i suck at tagging, skaterboy!louis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-03-21 14:24:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3695663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weddingbells/pseuds/weddingbells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Nick owns a company and Louis visits skate parks, and they are just as opposite as two people can be, but somewhere along the way they find each other. But it isn't easy, not at all, and as they find each other, they find themselves and maybe they find out more about both each other and themselves than they had bargained for. (also Zayn is an artist, Harry works for Nick, Liam wants to keep everyone happy and Niall plays guitar)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt idea came to me, and at first I wanted someone else to write it but then I just NAH I'll do it myself. So this is me setting out to write a fic where I have planned for it to be like 9 chapters and I really hope you will like it. I will try to post one chapter every Sunday, please cheer me on so I will be able to do this. Gryles and Zouis are bromances in the fic as well if you wanna know.

~*~

 

Nick is not running late, but he isn’t as early as he usually likes to be. He takes the stairs two steps at once, looking at his watch and realizes it’s 10 to 9, and he isn’t supposed to start until 9 but he is usually in by 8.30, sometimes earlier, and he knows everyone will comment on this. He steps into the lift, pressing the 11 before he hums, slightly annoyed with how slow it seems to be today. He steps out through the glass doors of the office to a little cheer from Matt.

“Look at that Grimshaw, didn’t think you would show up today!”

“It’s not even 9 yet, I’m not late.” Nick says, straightening his suit jacket out and takes a quick look in the mirror next to Matt’s desk, making sure his tie looks okay. He hopes no one else can tell that he looks tired. “Styles in yet?”

Matt nods, even though he seems more interested in reading the morning paper now so Nick is wondering if he even heard the question.

“Mhm, in your office with Fiona, you know you have that meeting with Cowell today, they are preparing the presentation.”

“I know, I didn’t forget.” Nick says, deadpanning a little because the Cowell meeting is all they have been talking about lately. Simon Cowell who wants to sell the rights to the movie about his life and Nick’s father worked so hard to get these rights before he got ill and then died from the heart attack. It was a setback for the company. Especially since no one was sure on how Nick would handle taking over everything.

But now here he is. And Nick will make sure the deal stays on.

“Good, then go join them.” Matt says as if he can’t understand why Nick is still standing there talking to him. Nick fixes his tie once more, making sure it’s perfect. The meeting with Cowell doesn’t start until 10 but he doesn’t want to walk into that office and look as if he isn’t 100 percent ready to do this. Harry and Fiona are, even though they are working with him now, both also good friends with Nick’s mother, and he does not need them going around telling her that Nick showed up for the Cowell meeting looking like a slob. He wouldn’t hear the end of it.

“I am going, can’t a lad get a coffee first?” Nick asks over his shoulder as Matt shrugs, and then he makes his way to the coffee machine. The office don’t have the best coffee and Nick would usually have stopped by the nearest Costa to get his favorite kind, but he didn’t have time to do this today. Getting regular black coffee from the pot in a bright yellow ugly mug will do, and as he balances the coffee mug along with his bag filled with all the important files, he finally makes his way to his office where he expects to find Fiona and Harry.

They are there, both leaning over Nick’s desk and looking at notes and a laptop where they have prepared a power point presentation that Nick thinks looks just a tiny bit silly but Fiona says it’s needed, so Nick let her have it. He isn’t one to argue about it anyway. They look up as they notice him, Fiona wearing a green skirt with a matching jacket and blouse today, and Harry wearing painted on black pants with a golden shirt, something Nick would have worn probably if he was 9 years younger and wasn’t supposed to look like the boss of this place. He sighs a little on the inside, missing those days, and then just smiles as he walks over and putting his mug of coffee on the desk.

“Not on my notes Grimshaw!” Fiona greets him, even if it’s about 8 inches between the mug and the closest stack of paper. Nick resists temptation to move his mug closer just to mess with her. After all, all their nerves are probably bundled up now and they don’t need any extra tension. “And why are you late?”

“Trouble with the tube.” Nick explains, before sighing. “And can people stop saying I’m late when I’m not, I’m right on time.”

“I didn’t think you were late.” Harry says, helpful as always. Nick gives him half a smile.

“And that is why you are my favorite, Harold. Now, let’s get this show started. Is everything ready?”

“Everything.” Fiona says, counting on her fingers as she starts telling Nick about all the things they have prepared. “The room is set up, we have all the files here, we have the presentation, Harry is wearing his lucky shirt…”

Nick arches an eyebrow as he glances over at Harry’s golden shirt and then shrugs because why not.

“… and we have the special coffee that Mr. Cowell likes to drink to keep him in a good mood.” Fiona finishes, taking a deep breath as if she is exhausted just thinking about this. Nick gets it, he does. It’s all coming down to this and in a few hours they will know if they got the deal or if Cowell will move on to the next company and Nick really, really doesn’t want that to happen. He knows his dad would have never forgiven him if he failed this.

It’s also his first chance to truly prove himself, to show them that he can do this. And Nick wants to do that just so badly, never wants to do anything halfway, he is either all in or not in at all.

“Sounds great. I don’t see how we can lose this guys.” Nick says, flashing both of them a reassuring smile. Harry lets out a laugh, smiling happily as he meets Nick’s eyes.

“Of course we can’t, you’ve worked so hard.” Harry’s voice is slow but he sounds so very sincere and honest in ways other people don’t when he pats Nick’s shoulder. “Mr. Grimshaw would have been proud, wouldn’t he?”

Fiona smiles but Nick doesn’t respond to that, because he isn’t really sure. He hopes so.

“Let’s do this.” He says instead, because it seems to be as good as anything. “Let’s do this, let’s be perfect, let’s not look like idiots.”

Fiona and Harry both laugh at that. They seem about as nervous as Nick feels. The time on the clock above Nick’s desk says 9.15. 45 minutes to go.

 

~*~

 

“Zayn, you’re such a bloody idiot.” Louis laughs and takes another sip from the beer as he watches Zayn try to do another flip with his skateboard and failing. “Give up already, you’re not gonna be the next Tony Hawk.”

“Better than you mate.” Zayn flips him off before trying again and Louis can’t do anything but roll his eyes. He zips his hoodie over his shirt, hitching up the shorts who are threatening to fall completely off his bum right now and then pushes his fringe to the side under the beanie. He watches Zayn try and fail one more time before he walks over to him and throws him a cigarette instead. Zayn is sitting down, looking like he wants to give it another go but he doesn’t, gives in to taking the cigarette instead.

“Come on, let’s get out of here. Ni said he’s got some new stuff he wants to show us. Probably a guitar. Or something.” Louis says as he watches Zayn fiddling with the lighter and then take a drag of the cigarette. Zayn looks handsome like that, smoking and sitting on a skateboard and Louis wishes he had the energy to fish out his phone and take a picture of him. Then again his camera roll is already filled with pictures of Zayn doing things, so he doesn’t really need another one.

“Why is Niall even up this early?” Zayn asks, and Louis arches an eyebrow because even though they are all known for sleeping late it is after noon already, and Louis is hungry, and if Niall wants to show them something he knows that there is always food. Always food at Niall’s place.

“Don’t even know why he moved out in the first place, it would be so much easier for him to just stay at our place when he wants to show us things.” Zayn keeps muttering as both of them grab their boards and cigarette in one hand, board under the other arm, start making their way back to the bus station.

“Yeah because you know, our ready to fall apart two bedroom shared by three, four people is so much better than an apartment of your own where maybe your hot girlfriend might want to join in.” Louis rolls his eyes. Now he would be lying if he hadn’t been bitter too when Niall moved out, the four of them had all said it was the end of an era, the end of an era of staying together, four troubled souls as Liam put it when he had smoked too much of the weed he couldn’t handle. But Niall seemed happy, and Niall had gotten a real job and Niall deserved this. Zayn pouted, still.

“Just saying he didn’t really have to move out _that_ soon.” He complains and Louis can’t help but laugh, kissing Zayn’s cheek quickly.

“You are cute, and now we will go see Niall and you will be happy for him and not be grumpy, okay? Okay.” He put on a big bright smile and then added. “Besides, it’s Friday which means we might be able to smoke some tonight, and that is always something to look forward to.”

“You’re not working tonight?” Zayn asks and Louis shakes his head, dropping his half smoked cigarette on the ground and stomping on it before wrapping his now available arm around Zayn’s waist.

“Nope. Tonight I’m all yours.”

Zayn grins, clearly pleased about this. Louis wants to roll his eyes because it looks as if Zayn thinks he is working all the time which he isn’t, he doesn’t even work at all that much because things have been slow lately. Zayn really shouldn’t complain about it. Then again, Zayn being needy and clingy is never really a bad thing.

“So we’re going out? Park? Drinks all around?” Zayn asks and Louis nods again, he isn’t sure how much they will be able to find for tonight, but some drinks and some weed shouldn’t be that hard to come across.

“Drinks all around, just you and me. Liam is home writing something and Niall had a date later.” Louis says and Zayn leans into Louis’ side.

“I like the sound of that. You and me.” He grins widely before looking up and noticing the bus driving up for the stop. “Oi, bus, let’s go!”

He starts running and Louis almost trips since he is still wrapped around Zayn’s waist, and Louis should be annoyed but he just laughs and follows.

 

 

 

~*~

 

“… and if you just sign here, we have ourselves a deal.” Nick says. He tries to keep a steady hand as he points to the spot of the contract that needs Cowell’s signature. He can’t believe this is happening. He is doing this. They are doing this. The agent and Cowell has read the contract, smiled approvingly at the presentation, shaken all their hands and now they have agreed this is a good deal.

Nick still worried they might back out though. Even if there is a pen and a contract and all that is needed is a signature, Nick is afraid Cowell will stand up soon and say no, or that the whole office will jump up from their chairs, laugh and tell him he’s been punk’d. Or that’s a late April Fool’s joke.

No one does though, and soon the signature is just there, Nick sees it on the document, and he can’t even believe it, Cowell signed their contract and they will make this movie.

“Pleasure doing business with you ladies and gentleman.” Cowell says, getting up from his seat and the others follow suit. Nick shakes his hand. He still can’t believe this.

“Pleasure is ours.” He says, hoping he doesn’t sound like an idiot. Cowell smiles at him.

“I was sad to hear about your father.” He says, and he still squeezing Nick’s hand. “But you seem to have taken hold of this company just fine. I will truly enjoy working with you. My people with stay in touch.”

Nick’s throat almost feels a bit dry with the praise.

“I… thank you. Yes.” He stammers, not really the most professional he has ever been, but good enough anyway. Cowell smiles though.

“Like I said, looking forward to working with you. Now, I hope you have a great weekend.” He is still smiling as he lets go of Nick’s hand, and then he leaves. Nick hears the little ‘bling’ the lift makes as it’s going down and that’s when he turns around, facing Harry and Fiona.

They both stare at him for about two seconds before they both jump in his arms. Nick almost falls over but he is laughing, and they are laughing, and everything feels great.

“We did it, we did it!” Fiona cheers and she high fives Harry before she opens the door to Nick’s office, shouting out in the corridor. “We did it guys, we did it. Nick did it!”

“Did what?” He hears Matt shout back but soon Matt is in the room as well and the four of them all hug and dance around and Nick can’t believe this, he truly can’t believe this.

“I gotta call me mum.” Nick wipes his eyes, tears of joy threatening to spill. “She will think I am joking.”

“Say hi from me!” Harry laughs and then they are hugging again and Nick doesn’t ever want to stop this feeling, he feels as if he is walking on clouds. This is the best day.

“Tonight we’re celebrating.” Matt decides, looking at all of them. “Pub, dinner, drinks. You better not have plans!”

“I don’t.” Fiona laughs, arms still around Harry,

“I don’t either.” Harry agrees, and Nick isn’t surprised because Harry never pass on an opportunity to go out. Nick grins, knowing they are waiting for him.

“I guess I can ask Colette to check in on Pig.”

“Yes!!!” Matt cheers and Nick doesn’t have time to breathe until he is pulled into another group hug. He really doesn’t mind though.

 

~*~

 

“I want to make a toast!” Fiona says, standing up and almost knocking her chair over as she raise her glass. The other laughs and Nick wants to hide his face but he also can’t help but to feel like this is nice. The others raise their glasses too, before she has even finished speaking. “A toast to Nick Grimshaw, who managed to get us what we have been working on for years. When _“It’s a no from me”_ is a success at the box offices, we know who to look at and thank. Thank you Grimmy. Thank you!”

She finishes her toast by drinking the rest of the drink and the others follow suit, Nick as well and he is beyond tipsy now but it’s Friday, so why wouldn’t he be allowed to do this. He looks over at Harry and Harry seems to be worse off than he is, and he has to remind himself to make sure the youngest of the group gets home safely before he cheers and sings with Matt who throws an arm around his neck, ordering them a new round.

“Drinks, drinks all around!” Nick says loudly and no one complains. They shouldn’t be complaining. Nick looks around at all the happy faces and he is so happy this is happening. He glances up towards the ceiling without realizing it, wondering if his father can see him now and if he is proud of him, like everyone has told him he would be. He hopes so.

“Nick come on, your glass is empty.” Harry giggles, and pushes a new shot glass into Nick’s hand. Nick really shouldn’t. “It’s a party, we are celebrating, come on!”

Nick downs the shot and he is sure that just in that moment someone is taking a picture. He wonders how happy they all look, and he hope everyone can tell that he is too.

He made it.

 

~*~

 

“Give me, give me, give me.” Louis pouts and Zayn laughs, giving him the joint and Louis takes a long drag, closing his eyes as he exhales. The smoke ends up in Zayn’s face, he doesn’t seem to mind. This is what life is about, and Louis enjoys every moment of it.

“Too bad Niall didn’t want to come.” Zayn comments and Louis can’t help but laugh.

“Stop whining over that, I already told you Niall had a date. Anyway I thought you were pleased with it being just me.” He pouts and it makes Zayn smile. He kisses Louis’ cheek.

“Mhm, I am pleased, wouldn’t change it for the world. I mean it’s…”

“Oi, Malik!”

Louis’ heart sinks. Zayn looks up and his eyes lit up at the same time Louis feels his own smile disappear from his lips. He reaches for the joint again, taking a few drags just to not show that he is disappointed. Ant and Danny shows up, as if they had been hiding in the shadow of the trees just waiting to see until Zayn and Louis came here. They haven’t even been sitting here long. Louis has only had this one shared joint and a few sips of vodka. The night is still young.

“Hey guys.” Zayn says, and he sounds so happy and Louis almost feels jealous. Ant and him exchange one of those lame handshakes and Louis wants to roll his eyes but doesn’t. He just stays quiet.

“We were thinking of going to the new place downtown, the owner is a friend of Danny’s brother and they’ve got some new sick designs Ant is thinking of getting. You wanna come? They said they were interested in your work as well.”

Zayn’s grin is even wider now. It’s adorable. Would be even more adorable if Louis didn’t dislike those two so much.

“They want to see my work? Really?”

Ant nods, and reaches for the bottle next to Louis’ legs and takes it to his mouth, taking a large gulp of vodka. _Rude_ , Louis thinks.

“Yeah man, we showed him what you did on Danny’s chest and he really liked it. Thought you were talented and shit.”

Zayn looks ready to burst with happiness. He turns to Louis, only smiling big and Louis forces himself to smile too.

“That’s great, Zee.”

“So, are you coming or not?” Danny asks as if he is already impatient as if they have been waiting for Zayn for an hour. Zayn gets to his feet without thinking and Louis feels as if he has been stabbed. He sighs loudly, and it makes Zayn turn to look at him.

Zayn gives him an apologetic smile.

“Do you mind? I just…”

“No, no, I don’t mind.” Louis says, even though he does mind because _why_ is Zayn disappearing when they were supposed to have this night to themselves, and he is leaving Louis alone. He should be happy for him though, Zayn always talks about tattoos and art and Louis knows that if Zayn had money he would go to school and study art so who is Louis to stay in the way when these guys want to hang out with Zayn and when they know someone who likes Zayn’s artwork? Louis is happy for him. He is.

He just hates those guys and this was their night.

Zayn looks relieved.

“Thanks, bro.” He gives Louis a long hug and Louis breathes in his scent and tries to not look angry as the three of them disappear down the road.

Not like Ant and Danny even acted as if he was there, but anyway.

Louis finishes the joint and then curses as he jumps down from the edge he’s been sitting on and knocks the bottle over. He takes his pack of smokes instead and starts walking home instead.

It’s a nice night after all, he could use the air.

 

~*~

 

Nick doesn’t get into the taxi with Matt, Fiona and Harry because he tells himself he needs the walk to sober up. He hasn’t been out this late on a Friday night for years, hasn’t really felt this tipsy in a bit either. He is glad there is only Pig waiting for him at home and there is no work for the rest of the weekend because he will probably be paying for this hangover for at least a day. He whistles happily as he walks down the street, taking the road that leads him past the office building because he just wants to remind himself of what happened today, the amazing, perfect thing that happened.

He is smiling bigger than ever, only that it stops when he is just seeing the office, and notices someone is sitting on the stairs. Smoke coming from the person, it’s obvious he is sitting outside Nick’s office and smoking. Nick can’t believe this, because there are rules against this and he won’t allow it to happen.

This will maybe ruin his whole night and Nick won’t allow that to happen either. He walks up to the man, eying him for a couple of seconds before he speaks up. The man is obviously younger than he is, maybe around Harry’s age and he looks like he has been smoking about five cigarettes already considering how many cigarette butts there are around him, if they are all his. He’s got light brown hair tucked in under a beanie and baggy clothes, he looks tiny even though he seems to take up a lot of space. Nick takes a deep breath.

“Don’t… you can’t do that here.” He says, voice a bit slurry and weird at first but then he recognizes his own voice. Even though he does sound a lot like his father. Probably more than he should.

“What’s it to you?” The younger man says, and he looks so unbelievably fed up with Nick even after a few seconds of talking, and it annoys Nick because who does he think he is?

“You can’t smoke here. I happen to own this building and as you can see…” Nick points to the sign up next to the entrance door. “There is no smoking allowed here. You have to go further down the street, we like to keep this as a smoking free area.”

The man snorts, flicking his hair causing the beanie he is wearing to almost fall off before he smacks with his lips, clearly not liking anything that Nick is telling him right now.

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Uhm… yes I can.” Nick rolls his eyes. “Now get your ass off those stairs, you’re acting like a child.”

He isn’t sure why he is going at this so harsh but then again he doesn’t want this evening to be ruined by someone who can’t read sign. The man laughs.

“God, take that stick out of your ass won’t you? Who even are you, who is in a suit coming home from the pub?” He snorts, eyeing Nick up and down and up again, and Nick hesitates before replying.

“I was out. Celebrating. Now if you could just…”

The man rolls his eyes.

“Celebrating in a suit and tie, such a proper boy aren’t you?”

“Can’t all be skater boys, love.” Nick says, the sweet tone of his voice that he used a lot more often when he was young and didn’t have patience with anyone, but that he has now stopped with since he stepped into his father’s shoes. It seems to still work though, because the other man looks annoyed at the tone of his voice.

“Looking better than you, anyway. The tie is hideous.”

“I get it, you don’t like my clothes, but now since we isn’t victims of the fashion police, maybe we should just call it a night, you can stop smoking on my property and we can go home.”

The man snorts.

“Only because the fashion police would have you arrested within two seconds.”

“What’s your name?” Nick asks, not sure why but it seems like a good idea to get this conversation away from his clothes, and the man laughs loudly at that. It makes his eyes crinkle a little. Not that Nick notices.

“Why should I tell you?”

“I’m Nick.” Nick says, as if that will help with anything. “Nick Grimshaw.”

“Cute.” The sarcasm is so thick Nick is pretty sure he would be able to touch it if he wanted to. “I’m Louis. That’s all you’re getting.”

“Well _Lewis_ you can’t smoke here anyway.” Nick says, because the way Louis’ eyes darken at that makes him feel very pleased. If he messes with him, he can mess back.

God, Nick can’t believe he cares this much about someone smoking on the stairs.

“It’s Louis. Loueeh.” Louis says, and looks ready to strangle Nick.

“That’s what I said, _Lewis_.” Nick is having too much fun, but it seems to work because Louis gets up, tossing the cigarette on the ground, stomps on it and gives Nick another deadly stare.

“You’re kind of a wanker.”

“Makes two of us then.” Nick responds and that seems to be all Louis can handle right now because he flips Nick off, and then turn around walking down the street.

“And smoking isn’t good for you, Lewis!” Nick yells, just because he again, and he is just rewarded another finger in the air and Louis doesn’t even turn around. Nick feels like he is 12 years old again.

Nick stands still in the spot for a few minutes, not really sure why he is looking as Louis turns around the corner, not sure why he doesn’t move until Louis is out of sight.

When he is out of sight though Nick remembers he is supposed to get home and he is suddenly in a rush. As he walks back to his flat, only almost running, he is not thinking about that skater kid. Not at all.

 

~*~

 

Louis is furious as he makes his way home. This turned out to be the shittiest of nights he’s had in a while and he can’t believe that bloke with the quiff even dared to talk to him like that as if he was almighty and Louis was nothing. Louis opens the door almost aggressively, worried he might end up breaking the door as he storms inside, the door slamming behind him.

“Where have you been?” Liam asks, as Louis kicks his shoes off and throws his jacket over the couch and take refugee inside the bathroom. Louis grunts something, not sure why he isn’t responding to the question, he just wants to splash some water in his face.

“Louis?”

Liam never gives up, and it’s what is annoying about him and sometimes quite lovely about him as well, but right now Louis just doesn’t want to talk. He knows he won’t get away though, so when he comes out he just sighs, looking at Liam who is staring at him and shoves his hands down his pockets.

“Just out, smoking. This bloody idiot came telling me off about where to smoke. Suit and tie and everything, after a night at the pub, who the hell goes to the pub in a suit and tie?” He asks, glaring at Liam as if he might be able to explain this. “And a quiff taller than bloody London Eye as well, and there he was telling me where I can and cannot smoke. Smoke police.”

There it is, an amused smile playing in the corner of Liam’s lips and Louis is _so_ annoyed.

“What?” He hisses, and Liam shakes his head, obviously trying to hold back a laugh.

“Nothing, nothing. Just wondering why you’re letting it get to you that’s all. Was he fit?”

“Liam!” Louis lets out a long, protest groan at that. “He was like 50 billion years old.”

Liam raises an eyebrow. Louis sighs.

“Fine. Around 30, maybe. And no, I don’t know if he was fit, I didn’t think about that, I was busy with how annoying he was being. Who the fuck cares about someone smoking on the stairs to some building no one cares about? He was dumb. Really dumb.”

“Okay.” Liam says, and he is having that look on his face that Louis knows so well, the look where Liam wants to ask him what else there is to this, if something is going on, why Louis is acting like this. But Louis is having none of it tonight, and he gives Liam that look, the look that Liam should know, the look that tells him that if he asks another question Louis might possibly punch him in the face. Liam seems to get it. Liam gives in.

“Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” Louis asks, running his fingers through his hair and Liam nods.

“You always can, you know that.”

“Thank you.” Louis mutters, and he grabs Liam’s hand and pulls him with him to one of the bedrooms where there are two beds. Usually this is Liam and Zayn’s room, but they often stay all of them in the same room anyway, especially now when Niall is moving out and Louis doesn’t want to be alone. He doesn’t handle being alone very well.

He strips to his t-shirt and boxers, then waits for Liam to do the same and get into bed next to him. Louis sighs as their bodies press together, the bed is too small for them honestly but it can’t be helped.

“He didn’t do anything to you, right? The guy.” Liam murmurs against Louis’ ear and Louis closes his eyes, sighing and shaking his head.

“No he didn’t, it wasn’t that kind of guy.”

“Good.” Liam mumbles, and Louis can tell that Liam wants to say something about that he doesn’t like it when Louis is with that kind of guy that does, but he doesn’t say anything about that. As protective as Liam is, he really does know when it is time to quit. He might not give up easily, but he knows when it’s really time to back away. Louis yawns.

“Zayn is not allowed to be friends with us anymore by the way.” Louis mutters, as if to break the awkward silence and mood. “He ditched me, he is such an ass.”

“You love that ass though.” Liam chuckles, very amused and Louis sighs dramatically.

“I _tolerate_ that ass, Liam. Now go the fuck to sleep, I am trying to get some rest here.”

Liam snorts, but he doesn’t say anything else. Maybe he did fall asleep, and Louis lays awake for only a few moments before he does too.


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, i am keeping to my deadlines so far, please enjoy and leave feedback and stuff xoxo

~*~

 

The weekend is horrible. It’s good because it’s a weekend, but it’s horrible because Nick feels _so_ sick. He spends the first hours of Saturday morning puking, and then he calls Colette begging her to take Pig.

“I don’t know if I should.” Colette frowns as she comes over, seeing the state Nick is in. “You need to be responsible Nicholas, you can’t go out and get drunk like this, you are not 21 anymore.”

“But we got Cowell.” Nick says weakly and that’s about as much as he can say before he needs to run to the bathroom and throw up again.

He is pretty sure he hears Colette coo over Pig and how it’s horrible for her to be stuck with such an irresponsible person, before the door finally close and Nick is alone.

With his hangover. And the silence.

 

He doesn’t eat until later that Saturday evening, settling for toast and different kinds of jam that doesn’t look like puke, and then he watches soap operas on the telly until he can say it’s okay to go to bed again. He is pretty sure he sleeps through the rest of the weekend, but thankfully on Sunday evening he feels like himself again. God. He never thought this would happen to him.

“Feeling better love?” Colette asks as she drops Pig off, Pig paying him about two seconds of attention before going after one of her squeaky toys. Nick guesses it’s revenge because he basically shipped her off this weekend when they were supposed to be together. He nods in response to Colette’s question.

“Yeah, yeah I am feeling much better. Was alcohol always this effective?” He asks and Colette laughs, shaking her head.

“You’re just getting old darling, that’s all. So, I heard you got the Cowell deal?”

Nick lights up, because he will just never get tired of talking about this. Never.

“Yeah, yes we did.”

Colette smiles, giving his shoulders a light squeeze.

“Never doubted you for a second darling, knew you could do it.”

Nick smiles, he is sure most people actually did doubt him but he doesn’t feel like arguing right now. Instead he watches Pig with her toy, and then turns to Colette again.

“Wanna stay for tea and hear about this annoying bloke I ran into Friday night?”

 

 

~*~

 

Louis pouts and mopes all through Saturday even if his morning starts with a blubbering happy Niall jumping on him and Liam.

“Wake up lads!”

“Ow.” Louis says. “You’re standing on my dick, Ni.”

Either Niall knows he is lying, or he doesn’t really care what happens with Louis’ dick because he keeps bouncing a little on both of them, giving them excited smiles. Liam grunts as he rolls over, checking his phone and almost falling out of the bed in the process because yes, there really isn’t enough room for two of them, and really not for three of them when one of the three is jumping up and down like an excited bunny rabbit.

“I had the best night.” Niall continues, ignoring the health of Louis’ dick, ignoring that Liam now actually did fall down on the floor with a grunt. Niall takes his place instead, wrapping thin arms around Louis and Louis grumpily tries to get out of the embrace even though he secretly loves that.

“My night sucked.”

“Aw.” Niall says with played care, before he keeps talking. “Enough about you, let’s talk about me, because my night was brilliant.”

Louis rolls his eyes and he is pretty sure Liam does too before Liam gets to his feet.

“I am going to make tea.”

“Yorkshire!” Louis calls after him, before he turns to Niall again. “Fine, tell me about your night because it was so brilliant.”

“Spent the whole night with Taylor.” Niall says happily, a fond look on his face that is kind of gross actually but Louis guesses he could live with it for a bit until Liam is finished with the tea and Liam can take over this. Liam is much more of the romantic type, better with these things. “We just talked. Talked, Louis! All night of just talking, about my interests, her interests, everything. Then only a goodnight kiss before she headed back home. I think I’m in love!”

“Talking, huh?” Louis arches an eyebrow and he is surprised with how jealous he is. He hasn’t talked to anyone like that for years, it’s never about that. It’s only fuck and get out, Louis hasn’t actually cared for anyone romantically for ages now, and no one has really cared for him. “Talking is good. Did you tell her about your new job, huh?”

“Of course I did!” Niall says happily and Louis is so happy for him, so happy that Niall is happy and he wants to show that, it’s just that he is so tired and still so pissed off after last night. He lets Niall talk for a few more minutes, until Liam shows up with tea and Louis thankfully reaches for the cup to get some energy back in his body.

“What’s up with Louis?” He hears Niall asks Liam as he leaves to go to the bathroom, and Liam sighs.

“Disappointed Zayn left him last night, and he ran into some bloke that he seems to fancy from the way he is talking about him.”

Louis can’t believe Liam.

“I do not fancy quiff boys!” He yells out before he takes a shower to get himself back. The water turns cold half way through the shower and he can’t really be bothered with it. Typical shit weekend anyway.

 

~*~

 

Nick is turning around the corner, it’s Monday and he is so ready for work, and today he feels as if he is on time and he doesn’t feel his hangover at all so clearly, all he needed for a night of drinking was a weekend of throwing up and that’s worth it. He texts Harry, asking him if he will be early today and if he also had the worst weekend of hangovers even though he knew that probably isn’t the case for the curly haired lad, that one is young and not like Nick. But again, this was worth it. And now it’s a new week and Nick feels like nothing can go wrong.

Until he turns and walks straight into an unaware body who comes out of nowhere on a skateboard and completely knocks him to the ground. Nick has time to let out a surprised yelp and then he is sitting bum first on the ground, his Costa cup making a beautiful flip in the air before all the coffee spills over Nick’s, before this, spotless and new white shirt.

“Shit, watch where you’re going... oh fuck it’s you.”

Nick doesn’t even know why he recognizes the voice, but he isn’t surprised when he looks up and notices the man from Friday, Louis, sitting next to him on the pavement now. Louis isn’t drenched in coffee as Nick is though, so Nick isn’t sure why _he_ is complaining.

“Oh, Lewis.”

“Ass.” Louis gets to his feet, grabbing his bag that is one of those that every school kid or college kids seems to have these days, worn out and strangely fitting to the rest of him. Nick rolls his eyes as he gets to his feet. The coffee has soaked through his shirt and is hot and uncomfortable against his skin, not enough to burn him but enough to make him feel like he can’t get out of there quick enough.

“Watch where you’re going, okay?” Nick says because he doesn’t want this to be on him. Louis stares at him.

“I was watching. You were the one being all wrapped up in yourself. What’s there to be wrapped up in anyway. You are just boring and old.”

Nick grunts, _so_ frustrated by this whole thing and there are millions of people living here why, _why_ does he have to deal with the same annoying one.

“Sure. I have to go to work.”

Louis rolls his eyes. He always rolls his eyes. It annoys Nick so much already.

“Fine, go to work. Don’t run into more people on the way there.”

“Don’t plan on it.” Nick mutters and then he just moves on because really, really there is nothing he wants more than to get away from this guy already.

 

 

“Give me your shirt, Finchy.” Nick says, and Matt looks up at him puzzled.

“My shirt? Why?”

“Because an idiot bumped into me, spilled coffee all over me and now I look like a mess. Which I can’t. So give me your shirt.” Nick is too tired to even try to sound sweet. Matt looks a bit offended.

“So what, I am supposed to look like a slob then? That’s not fair.”

Nick stares at him. He knows Matt always carry an extra shirt, and also Matt is known for always borrowing (and never returning) Nick’s clothes to he thinks that this is nothing else but fair. Finally Matt sighs.

“Fine. Give it here.” Matt gives in, unbuttoning his shirt and Nick quickly does the same. It feels nice to have something not drenched in hot coffee and as Nick suspected, Matt quickly takes out a new shirt from his desk drawer.

“Thank you Finchy.” Nick says and makes it to his office just in time to bump in with Harry.

“Hey Nick.” Harry says, pouting a little. “Is there a reason you didn’t answer my text?”

“Which one?” Nick asks, starting to feel around his pockets for his phone.

“The one where I asked if you could…”

“Fuck, where’s my phone?” Nick interrupts him, because he can’t find it. Harry stops talking, looking puzzled.

“Maybe you left it at home?”

Nick shakes his head.

“No, I texted you and that was on my way to work, just before… fuck, I hope that… god, that guy must have stolen my phone!” Nick grunts and hides his face in his hands as he realizes he had his phone in his hand just when he bumped into Louis and now his phone is gone. Harry looks more puzzled than ever.

“What guy?”

“This guy I met when I was going home Friday and who is clearly opposed to all kind of rules and the law and…” Nick runs his fingers through his hair, suddenly panicking a little because he is very fond of that phone, it’s got all his contacts and calendar and everything he needs.

“Calm down.” Harry says, his voice just as slow and calm as Nick usually enjoys listening to but right now he doesn’t at all like that Harry is telling him to calm down, because his phone is gone.

“Harry, my phone is gone, I can’t…”

“I’ll call you, okay?” Harry suggests. “I mean not _you_ obviously because you are here and your phone isn’t, but I’ll call your phone and we’ll see if someone picks up okay? Maybe this will all work out perfectly, you never know.”

“Perfect.” Nick mutters, because he really doubts that. He lets Harry try though, and Harry fishes his phone out of his pockets and finds Nick’s contact.

“Why am I called _Boss boy_ in your phone?” Nick arches an eyebrow but Harry just hushes him.

“Quiet, it’s calling… oh hello there Louis, this is Harry. Listen, is there a reason you happen to have my friend’s phone?”

“Give it here.” Nick grunts, stealing Harry’s phone and putting it to his ear. He takes it into his office, despite Harry complaining, closing the door behind him. “Listen brat, you got my phone.”

“Brat?” He hears Louis’ voice on the other end and he almost sounds genuinely offended. “Now, now, Nicholas, not that kind of language thank you.”

“You stole my phone, you do not get to decide what kind of language I’m using!” Nick protests.

“I didn’t _steal_ your phone!” Louis defends himself, and he sounds sincere. “You must have dropped it in my bag when you tackled me.”

“You mean when _you_ tackled me.” Nick just needs to correct him and even if it seems crazy that his phone would manage to so perfectly fall into Louis’ bag, it does make sense for that to happen. “Doesn’t matter.” Nick sighs, because he doesn’t want to argue about who tackled who, and he doesn’t really have time for it either. “Can we meet up so you can give me my phone back then? Thanks.”

“I don’t know, it’s a nice phone, maybe I should keep it.” Louis seems to be considering it, before he laughs. It’s the first time Nick hears him laugh and it’s a bit nicer than he thought it would be. “No, sure. I can swing by your fancy no smoking-building later, if you want. When are you off work?”

Nick needs to think about it. He doesn’t have crazy much of work to do because it’s Monday, and Mondays are usually pretty quiet. He does have a meeting later though so he won’t get out that early.

“5-ish?” He suggests and Louis sighs.

“Fine, I’ll be there by 5. Don’t work yourself into an early grave. I mean you’re already old enough to be close to your death anyway.”

“Ha ha, hilarious.” Nick rolls his eyes and Matt watches him a bit amused from afar. Nick really, really prays he isn’t hearing any of this. “Don’t wreck my phone, okay?”

“Promise.” Louis says, and then adds. “An iPhone can handle being tossed out from a window, right?”

He hears Louis laughing but then the call ends so Nick can’t come with a comeback even if he had time to think of one.

 

~*~

 

“When did you get an iPhone 6?!” Zayn asks, and first Louis plans to ignore him because he still hasn’t forgiven Zayn for ditching him this Friday and then staying away all weekend while Louis was lonely and miserable, but then again Louis has never really been good at holding a grudge, at least not when it comes to Zayn.

“Calm your tits, it’s not mine.” He says instead and puts Nick’s phone on the kitchen table next to the bowl of cereal he is currently devouring. Breakfast for lunch is his favorite thing, and clearly Zayn’s too because Zayn grabs a bowl of his own and sits down next to Louis.

“So, why do you have an iPhone 6 that isn’t yours?” Zayn asks again and Louis grunts a little.

“This annoying bloke with the biggest quiff I have ever seen which looks ridiculous, by the way, dropped it in my bad when I was heading home this morning after meeting with Julian.”¨

Zayn raises an eyebrow, as if he can’t quite believe that is what happened. Then again, Louis understand him because when he got home and saw Nick’s phone in his bag he almost couldn’t believe it. It was also hilarious how he hadn’t even locked it with anything, who leaves an iPhone unlocked? Louis had so much fun going through it, not messages because he does have _some_ integrity and respect for people (even if they are wankers) but he did check the camera roll because hey, he is only human.

“It’s what happened anyway, don’t argue it with me.” Louis mutters, focusing on his cereal again. He doesn’t feel like talking to Zayn about it. “I am giving it back to him around 5 and then I’m going to the park.”

Zayn freezes a little.

“On a Monday? I don’t like when you go on Mondays.”

Louis is absolutely fed up with that.

“And I say Mondays are good days and also you don’t have a say in this.” He spits out. Zayn looks as if he wants to say something, but he doesn’t.

“I’m sorry I left Friday, just Ant and Danny were…”

“It’s fine.” Louis mutters, even if it’s not fine at all. Obviously. “I hope they liked your tattoos.”

Zayn’s face lights up, his tongue licking quickly over his lips.

“They did, it was so cool Lou. This one guy said maybe I have a shot at actually being someone in the business. Can you imagine that?”

Louis has to smile, because even if he is upset Zayn left him, he can’t be upset when Zayn looks this happy, and when something good is finally happening to him. God knows they all deserve it.

“That’s great Zee, really great. So, you wanna come with me and return this thing?” Louis asks, nodding in the direction of the phone. Zayn waits until he has finished chewing the cereal currently in his mouth before he nods.

“Yeah, when?”

“Five-ish I think.” Louis shrugs, and Zayn nods.

“Okay, yeah I can, I just have to take off quickly though because I’m supposed to meet Danny around 5.30, so depending on where you are going…”

“It’s fine, it won’t take long, just dropping off the phone.” Louis says and then stands up to put his empty bowl in the sink, he will do the dishes later, or just wait until Liam does because Liam is anyway always saying how much better he does it even if Louis is trying to be tidy and not messy.

“Who is this guy anyway?” Zayn asks and god, Louis shouldn’t get started.

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

Harry and Fiona buys Nick a salad for lunch to cheer him up which Nick finds a bit adorable and at the same time sad, and then he sits through a meeting about how to proceed with the Cowell deal before it’s finally over and he can get his phone back. As he grabs all his things he realizes just how much he relies on his phone to be there for him because today has been awful. He can’t wait to have it back and he just hopes that Louis didn’t do anything to it.

“I’m going to get my phone back and then I am going home.” He tells Harry who is the only one left, finishing reports in his room, listening to Sam Smith and only having one light on, which makes the whole setting look a bit too cozy for work focus. Nick wouldn’t be able to focus anyway. Harry doesn’t seem to mind. He looks up and gives Nick a big smile.

“Good luck, tell Louis I said hi.”

“I won’t tell Lewis anything.” Nick rolls his eyes and he has no idea why Harry giggles.

“Is he cute? Because he sounds a bit cute.”

“He is a pain in my arse.” Nick says as lovingly as he can before waving to Harry and heading outside.

 

He realizes they never really decided on exactly where to meet, but he didn’t have to worry about that because he notices Louis as soon as he comes outside. He is sitting in the lap of a tall, dark, too gorgeous for his own good boy and Nick wants to kick something as he notices them both smoking.

“Hello there, Nicholas.” Louis stands up, nodding to the other boy to do the same. They seem to be about the same age, and Nick wonders why he is feeling a tug in his stomach as he notices how close they stand together. Why should he care about who this Louis guy, who he doesn’t even know, stand close to?

“I have to go, talk to you later, be careful.” The other male says, leaning in and kissing Louis’ cheek before Louis nods.

“Promise.”

The guy takes off, and Louis is still there, making no effort to take out Nick’s phone. Maybe he did steal it. Nick will never see his phone again.

“I won’t hurt you, you know.” He says instead, because the way that guy was telling Louis to be careful makes it sound as if Nick is at least an axe murderer, which is unfair because he isn’t. Louis looks puzzled, but then he starts laughing.

“Oh, he wasn’t talking about you. Well, here’s your phone.”

Nick almost wants to cry when Louis takes his phone out, handing it over to Nick with a little grin.

“Not even a scratch.” He grins, and Nick is so very pleased with that.

“Thank you.” He says, because it was nice of Louis to give it back. It was. Louis gives him half a smile now and nods.

“Be careful about tackling people, not everyone is as charming and good human beings as I am.”

Nick snorts.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Lewis. Also, why are you still smoking here?”

Louis’ eyes gets a bit darker again, or more grey than blue as they narrow. He really doesn’t like being called that, Nick can tell. He also doesn’t really care about what Louis thinks about it.

“My name is Louis.”

“That’s what I said, Lewis.” Nick says again, and he absolutely should stop saying that but he can’t because it’s quite enjoyable to get Louis this annoyed. Nick isn’t sure why.

They stay staring at each other for a few moments. Nick wonders if Louis is planning a comeback. It doesn’t come though.

“Was that your boyfriend?” Nick asks instead, without knowing why, he can’t stop himself and _god_ , that was an idiotic thing to do. He needs a lock on his mouth, he needs to never speak again ever. Louis snorts.

“Zayn? No. Just my best mate.”

Nick tries to remember if he’s ever had friends that he was that close with that he has been on their lap in that way, and well maybe he did when he was younger, he just doesn’t remember it now. Anyway, what does it matter. It doesn’t matter at all.

“Well… I should get going I guess.” Nick says instead, hoping he isn’t sounding as dumb as he feels. He isn’t even sure why he is dragging this out, isn’t really sure why he just isn’t taking his phone and moving on with his life like he should.

“Guess you should.” Louis says, clearly not giving a fuck now about whether Nick stays in this spot or not, and maybe Nick should care just as much as Louis does.

He starts walking, before he looks back.

“You didn’t do anything to my phone, right?”

Louis grins. This grin is actually quite charming only Nick isn’t thinking about that at all because why would he think anything Louis does is charming.

“Nope, I would never.”

 

 

Nick gets home, takes Pig out for a walk, and after a shower he slips into a bathrobe and sits comfortably in front of the TV when he realizes he actually never did check his phone to see if Louis did anything to it.

He deadpans as he notices the amount of pictures in his camera roll. Louis seems to have managed to take at least 50 selfies of himself, making faces, smiling, together with some buff guy and then with that model-looking guy from the stairs. Nick can’t believe it, and he is just about to complain loudly about it to Pig who is the only one listening to him (and she can talk to him, if he talks to her, she makes sounds that are words back to him, even if no one believes him) when a text message comes up, from the contact named “Tommo” that Nick really doesn’t remember adding.

**“I might have saved your number and added my own but that’s all I did** **J** **”**

Nick can’t believe this man. He really can’t. He types in his reply with one hand.

**“Mhm sure, I don’t quite remember me having 50 selfies of this guy looking like a Peter Pan on my camera roll”**

**“You needed them! All you had was that dumb dog.”**

**“I love that dog!”**

**“You’re just a sad old lonely man : )”**

**“She is sleeping right now and looking adorable, I don’t see how you couldn’t love this dog and this life.”** Nick types out and well, when he starts talking about Pig he can’t stop.

**“Lemme see! Add me on snapchat, ‘thetommo’”**

Nick doesn’t even have a Snapchat account. He knows Harry does, but Nick has never really felt like it’s something he needs. Which is why it’s absolutely ridiculous that he now opens Appstore, downloads the app and signs up with the name grimmers.

He adds Louis, and hopes it won’t be obvious how his account is about ten seconds old. He looks around the app to make sure he knows what he is doing before he takes a pic of Pig, sending it to Louis.

The app tells him Louis looked at it, and soon he gets a snap back. It’s a selfie, Louis doesn’t seem to be wearing a shirt and well that’s… okay. The caption attached to it says. **“nice, okay gotta go, talk later Nicholas!”**

And Nick doesn’t even know why he is looking forward to this.

 

~*~

 

Louis isn’t sure why they are texting back and forth and why he enjoys getting those snaps from Nick of that dumb dog. He hasn’t even met said dog and he’s only known Nick for a week, if you can count bickering and making fun of each other for ‘knowing’ someone. He reads a text from Nick that says **“Friday, finally!”** and smiles for no reason and that’s when Zayn clears his throat, looking up from the game of Fifa he is currently playing.

“Was that the guy?” Zayn asks, and Louis nods.

“Yep, it was.”

“Why are you texting him?” Zayn asks again, shaking his head. “You like him or something?”

“Why, you jealous?” Louis snaps, a bit too snappier than he had intended and Zayn looks hurt. Louis feels bad, for about a second.

“No, I was just wondering, because I thought you hated his guts, you were whining about him for days.”

Louis rolls his eyes.

“I do not like him, I just texted him, that’s all. You can text people even if you’re not that interested in them. And his dog is kind of cute, he sent me snaps of her.”

Zayn arches an eyebrow again.

“You don’t really like dogs.”

“I don’t really like you either yet here you are.” Louis says lovingly. He is rewarded with a pillow in the face.

“I want to get high.” Zayn sighs. “High and drunk and…”

“Well we could, unless you’re gonna ditch me again.” Louis says with a grin. “Got a bag because I had a very good run this Monday, and you wanted me to stay home.”

Zayn seems to be arguing with himself whether or not he should say that he still wanted him to, but then again, Zayn doesn’t want to turn down weed.

“Well it’s Friday.” Zayn says and Louis nods.

“Yep, it’s Friday. So you’re in?”

He doesn’t even need a reply.

 

 

~*~

 

Taking the long way home just to have a nice walk is a bad idea on a Friday but Nick doesn’t really care about that. Because Nick is absolutely buzzing, not from alcohol, just because everything seems easier right now. Work is going fine, he is happy, and it’s not just because he might have been texting with Louis the whole week.

Not something he planned. But still.

He thinks about sending Louis a text again, because Louis hasn’t replied to the last one he sent during lunch, and Nick wonders if maybe it was because it was a boring reply. Or maybe he should just send a snap of Pig, because Louis says he likes those anyway, and maybe he should…

Nick stops in the middle of his thoughts as he get to the park, usually he just pass it by and doesn’t even look because it’s usually only people getting drunk and making fools out of themselves, and Nick doesn’t want to look at that. Only now he hears a voice, a far too familiar voice and a laugh.

“Zayn, I’m gonna balance on this… I can balance on this right?”

Nick notices Louis, he is wearing a tank top and black jeans, lots of tattoos visible and a red beanie, and he is right now climbing up to a ledge that is not that high over the ground, but enough so that Louis could fall and hurt himself if he can’t keep his balance.

And he looks very intoxicated.

“Yes, yes bro, of course you can.”

Zayn is laughing, cheering him on and Nick is about to walk away when Louis looks up and actually notices him.

“It’s Nick!” Louis waves and cheers as he notices him, and Nick wants to run the other way because he isn’t really sure how to react to this. His body reacts for him though, and he can’t help but smile, a smile that only grows wider as Louis adds. “Zayn, Zayn, look Zayn it’s Nick, Nick is here!”

Louis takes a few more steps on the ledge, almost tripping and falling, but manages to keep on his feet.

“It’s not safe to do that.” Nick says before he can even stop himself and god, when did he become this thing who cares about these things and safety and everything. He walks closer to them, carefully. Louis is giggling.

“Zayn says I can, Nick trust me I’m great at this.”

“He’s great at this.” Zayn nods and Zayn seems to be completely stoned and god, Nick can’t believe this. He is about to say something again when two other guys show up, talking to Zayn and ignoring both Louis and Nick.

Louis doesn’t seem to notice though because he is only focused on balancing and also keeping his eyes on Nick. His pupils are bigger and he is moving slowly, and giggles as he notices Nick’s eyes on him. Nick thinks it’s absolutely unfair that Louis giggles like that. Absolutely unfair.

“You should try this.” Louis says and Nick shakes his head quickly.

“No, no, I don’t want to end up falling and breaking a leg.”

“Hey, live a little!” Louis says and then he is jumping down, ending up right next to Nick. Nick swallows as he looks up.

“Do you want to get a drink?” Louis says through dark eyelashes as he looks up at Nick and his eyes look even more blue now, Nick wonders if they are always this blue or if they are just like this when Louis is drunk. He smells of alcohol and cigarette smoke and probably something else as well considering how he acts, Nick doesn’t want to know. He remembers enough of it from being younger.

“No, thanks, I have to go home to Pig.” Nick says and Louis starts giggling again.

“Pig, love her. Love your dog Nick. Nice dog.”

“How much did you have to drink?” Nick asks, trying to not sound like a concerned father because no, just no. Louis thinks about it.

“Don’t know. Don’t care, lost count. Are you staying?”

“No, I have to go home.” Nick says quietly, and his hand rests on Louis’ arm without him meaning it to. “Maybe you should go home to.”

Louis shakes his head.

“No, nope, having fun, fun night with my bro. Living in the now. You should too.”

Nick smiles. He can’t do anything else. Louis puts his hand on top of Nick’s where it is still resting on his arm. It’s warm, Louis’ skin is really warm. Nick needs to swallow again and he should, he should really get out of here now.

“I should go, are you gonna be okay?” Nick says, and he already starts walking but Louis follows him.

“Why wouldn’t I be okay? Why do you have to go?” Louis pouts and Nick doesn’t think this is fair. He forces himself to keep walking.

“Good night, Louis.” Nick says, and Louis’ face lights up as if he has just told him he won a million dollars, or that they are giving out free ice cream. Nick guesses Louis is one who would be happy about ice cream anyway.

“You called me Louis.”

“Uh… no I didn’t.” Nick says but Louis is already giggling, he is so drunk and high and what not and he is giggling again and Nick can’t help but to feel the way you feel when you watch a puppy excited about something, because that’s the way it looks. Louis is like a happy puppy.

“Yes you did, you did, you totally did, you called me my name and oooops.”

Louis trips, falling head first down on the grass and Nick is worried for about a second before Louis gets to his feet again, running his fingers through his hair.

“I’m okay, I’m okay, don’t worry.”

“Let’s get you home and have you drink a lot of water and then sleep this off, okay?” Nick says with a forced smile, because this isn’t how he had planned this night to end and even if he doesn’t mind per se, because spending time with this guy is more fun than he thought it would be, he is rather worried by the state of intoxication that Louis seems to be in, and his friend Zayn isn’t that much better off either. Zayn who also seems to have run off with the other blokes though, which leaves Nick and Louis and Nick sighs, because he isn’t quite sure how he will be able to get Louis home when he doesn’t know where he live.

“Did Zayn go?” Louis says suddenly, spinning around as he tries to find Zayn. Nick grabs his arm to keep him still.

“Yeah, his friends showed up. I’m sure they’ll find you when…”

“Such an ass.” Louis complains, kicking some rocks on the ground. “Twice in two weekends he’s run off on me, bastard, you’re not gonna run off on me though right Nicholas?” Louis leans into him and Nick swallows a couple of times.

“Uhm… no. Let’s just get you home okay? Where do you live?”

Louis is quiet and god, Nick really hopes he will remember.

“You want to come home with me?” Louis asks, and his voice is low now and Nick takes a step back because no, no, that is not where this is going.

“Just want to make sure you get home alright.” He explains quickly and Louis nods.

“Why?”

“Because… well, you took care of my phone and I don’t want to be responsible for you ending up in a ditch just because you’re too drunk to walk home.” Nick says and Louis seems to think that is as fair of an explanation as any.

“Okay.” He says happily, and grabs Nick’s arm, pulling him with him. “I don’t live far away from here, come with me.”

Nick isn’t sure he can do anything else because Louis is pulling him with him with such force that is surprising for someone who seems so small.

Louis leads him into a neighborhood that looks very run down, and as a place where Nick wants to check he has practically glued all his belongings to his body to not lose it. He isn’t sure why he doesn’t like the idea of Louis living here.

“You live here?” He asks, hoping he doesn’t sound judging as Louis leads him up the stairs of an apartment building, graffiti covering the walls. Louis nods, stumbling a little as he takes the last steps of the stairs. Nick wraps an arm around his waist, just to keep him steady.

“Yep, with my mates. Just need keys to… ooops.”

He drops the keys, and Nick helps him pick them up, almost causing their heads to bump together. Nick needs to swallow again and he isn’t sure why this is happening. He shouldn’t be this affected by a drunk, mostly annoying, man.

Louis fumbles with the keys in the lock, and soon the door opens.

“Leeeeeeeeyum I’m home!” he shouts and Nick awkwardly stands in the doorway, watching Louis kick his shoes off. The buff guy from one of the selfies on Nick’s phone shows up. He looks puzzled from Louis, to Nick, and back to Louis again.

“Bringing guys here now?” Liam asks and Louis laughs loudly.

“Noooo this is just Nick, Li. You know Nick.”

Nick tries not to react to the way Louis has obviously been talking about him. Liam looks at Nick and Nick awkwardly shoves his hands down his pockets.

“Just helping him home.” He explains. “Makes sure he drinks water, okay?” He says and Liam is still staring at him, then turning to Louis.

“Where did Zayn go?”

“Zayn isn’t our friend anymore!” Louis shouts, clearly now in the bathroom. Nick hopes he won’t get sick.

“I should go.” Nick says and Liam nods slowly, before he seems to remember his manners.

“Uhm. Thanks for getting him back home, he usually… yeah, thanks.” Liam says, and Nick can only nod.

“No problem… make sure he is okay, okay?” Nick says, and Liam nods again, a little smile on his lips.

“Nick can I call you tomorrow?!” Louis shouts from the bathroom. “He is cute, isn’t he Liam?”

Nick blushes.

“He is very drunk.” Liam explains and Nick nods because of course, of course Louis is very drunk. Still doesn’t change he just said he was cute, though.

“I’ll talk to you guys soon.” Nick says without even knowing what he means by that, but he doesn’t even know what to say. Liam smiles.

“Yeah. I’ll let him sleep it off.”

 

As Nick walks home, his head is spinning and he feels dizzier than he did last weekend. He isn’t sure what is happening but he is pretty sure this is worse than any intoxication he has ever experienced.

**“u shod hav stayed xoxo”**

The drunken text from Louis that comes at 2am waking him up really isn’t making this easier.


	3. iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY chapter 3. I feel like I deserve a reward to keeping to my own deadlines, it's fabulous of me. kudos and comments and stuff is always welcome xoxo

~*~

 

“I did WHAT?” Louis screams and Liam, the bastard, can’t stop laughing.

“You asked him to stay, asked if you could call him in the morning, called him cute aaand I’m pretty sure you sent him a drunk text later.”

“No no no, no no no, I didn’t do this I didn’t do this Liam!” Louis groans because fuck, what an idiot, he is such a fucking idiot. “I am never drinking again.”

Liam arches an eyebrow. Louis knows he won’t stick to that promise, knows he always says it after nights like this but now, truly, Louis feels as if he means it. This is a disaster. A proper, horrible disaster and Louis wants to be sick again.

“Did he say anything?” Louis asks, hoping his voice doesn’t sound too worried. Because really, he shouldn’t even care because Nick is no one but someone he texts now and then and that he kind of feels happy to talk to because the way they bicker makes him feel as if life is a bit easier, but for some reason he cares anyway.

“Not really, he kind of just left, he looked… flustered.” Liam comments with a little grin. Louis wants to vomit once more.

He dreads opening the text convo he’s got with Nick, doesn’t want to see what kind of text he might have sent when he left him last night but he knows he needs to be because god, sooner or later he will have to talk to him. Explain himself. Blame everything on alcohol because truly, only alcohol can be blamed for him calling Nick cute.

Nick isn’t cute. Louis certainly doesn’t find him cute. Not at all. That was just the alcohol.

“Fucking god, did I send this?!” Louis wants the earth to open up and swallow him whole when he sees the text message. It isn’t really that bad, but as for being sent to Nick, after apparently clinging on him all the way home and calling him cute, that makes it even worse. Liam starts to laugh again and Louis punches him in the arm, a bit harder than intended but he deserves it.

“Not fucking funny.” He says through gritted teeth. Liam giggles.

“It’s kinda funny though, Lou. I knew you had a thing for him.”

“I do not have a thing for him!” Louis almost shouts. “I was drunk, you know how I get when I’m drunk, that’s all it was. Leave me in peace god.” He hides his face in his hands, then proceeds to running his fingers through his hair. “What do I do Liam? Do I call him to apologize? Just send a text? Do nothing?”

He isn’t telling Liam about how it feels like something stings in his stomach just because he realizes Nick didn’t even reply to the drunk text. Maybe he was sleeping. Maybe he is still sleeping.

Maybe he just doesn’t really give a fuck about Louis; that would be more likely.

Liam shrugs.

“I don’t know, really. Maybe a text will be good? Or a call if that’s what you feel like?”

Louis throws a pillow at him.

“You are useless right now, absolutely useless. You are supposed to be good at this stuff! Do I have to call Niall? Really Liam?”

Liam laughs and wraps his arms around Louis, pulling him down onto the couch and Louis willingly lets himself be cuddled in that warm embrace. He sighs dramatically, nuzzling his nose against Liam’s chest.

“You don’t have to call Niall, I’m here.” Liam murmurs, pressing a kiss to Louis’ forehead. “But love, I truly think you have to decide yourself. Text if you think that is easier. Call if you really want to explain. That is all.”

“You’re absolutely useless.” Louis mutters, but it feels a bit better to be in Liam’s arms anyway. Maybe a text is good enough. For now. “Can you read the text before I send it?”

Liam stares at him and then starts laughing so hard it actually tickles Louis the way Liam’s abs move.

“What?!” He pouts, not really understanding why Liam is acting like this.

“You are kinda weird about this guy that’s all.” Liam chuckles, trying to calm down and tries even harder as Louis jabs him between the ribs. “Ow, just saying. You never ask me to check your texts for you.”

Louis sticks his tongue out.

“You said I said things last night, I don’t want to send something that will make him think I am interested or something. You know, give him some excitement in his elderly life and then take it away as he realizes it was not what I wanted. It would be sad. And I, Liam, care about my fellow citizens.”

“You are such an ass.” Liam laughs, and Louis wants to punch him.

But he does read Louis’ text later, when he has finished writing it. So Louis forgives him.

 

 

~*~

 

Nick isn’t sure what to make of everything going on with Louis, but for some reason he feels a friendship starting to form. And it might very well be the weirdest thing Nick has ever had happening to him. He texts and snapchats with Louis all the time, he is pretty much getting used to having texts from Louis as he wakes up, and leaving snaps of Pig doing cute things, which is pretty much 24/7 so he sends a lot of cute snaps. Louis sends snaps back of that friend, Zayn, doing flips on skateboards which okay, isn’t exactly the same. Although sometimes Louis must let Zayn or someone else film him doing things, because sometimes Nick gets a snap of Louis doing things, which is much better, for reasons Nick doesn’t know. Only that it is.

(and he saves screenshots only of a _few_ of the videos. Only a few.)

“You are using your phone awfully lot lately.” Harry comments at lunch one day. “Are you seeing anyone or something?”

“No, no.” Nick says about just a tad too quickly. It causes Harry to set out a full grown dimple smile and Nick hates that face. Really.

“Mhm.” Harry arches an eyebrow to complete the look and Nick has to refrain from throwing peas at him. After all he is the supposed to be a responsible adult in charge here, and throwing peas might just throw that impression off a little.

“Really.” Nick says instead, choosing to handle this in a civil manner. Saving peas. “It’s just, I mean, talking to a mate that’s all.”

Harry pouts.

“A mate I don’t know?” He asks, looking almost hurt. “I thought we shared all our mates!”

“We do not share all our mates.” Nick protests. “Sometimes I meet people out of the office. People you don’t know.”

Harry shakes his head.

“Doubt it. Who are you texting? Tell me Nick, you’re being annoying, I don’t like it when people hide things from me, you know that.”

“It’s nothing really, you don’t need to know anything about it.” Nick says, hoping he doesn’t sound rude. He just doesn’t want to go through the trouble of explaining to Harry how it’s Louis he’s been talking to. It would certainly mean he would never hear the end of this, and Nick feels like there are better things to do.

“Fine.” Harry pouts, and with that tone on anyone else Nick would worry they were absolutely pissed at him and would be for a long time, but he knows Harry isn’t like that.

“Maybe one day.” He mutters instead, and thankfully Harry starts talking about new music he’s found so the rest of the lunch runs smoothly.

 

Nick is just about getting really bored at work. It always happens about an hour before he can actually go home, and he is exhausted from going through so much stuff on the Cowell project that he feels as if his head is almost spinning. He sighs loudly when he hears his phone go off, and it’s a text from Louis and a snapchat following.

**“Guess where I am ;) ;) ;)”**

Nick can’t help a goofy smile before he opens the snap. It’s a selfie of Louis with a cigarette, sitting just outside Nick’s building again. Nick groans, so frustrated with how Louis keeps doing this and also mildly amused by the fact that he does and that this means Louis is outside. He looks at the watch on his wrist, deciding he can call it a day and head outside. After all he needs to tell Louis to stop smoking here.

“I’m out Matty, see you tomorrow.” He says with a little wave, Fifi and Harry not around. Matt nods.

“See ya, Grimmy. Take care love.”

Nick smiles and then takes the steps to the elevator quickly, and then he is soon out by the stairs. Louis is still there. He stands up, still holding the cigarette with a grin on his lips, skateboard under his other arm.

“Hello, Nicholas.” He says with a smile, and Nick wonders if it’s possible for a smile to be that infectious. Nick wants to smile too, but he also wants to tell Louis to not smoke here.

“You can’t…”

“Smoke here.” Louis grins, and then he puts the cigarette out. “So you saw the snap then.”

Nick nods, and shakes his head laughing as Louis’ face lit up.

“Did you like it?”

“Yeah, love it when you send snaps of yourself doing illegal things.” Nick rolls his eyes. “No really. The skateboard ones are more fun.”

Louis laughs softly.

“Yeah, I can tell you think that, considering how many screenshots you take of them.”

Nick feels all the blood rush to his face.

“Wh… what?” He asks, wondering how in the world Louis can know this, he shouldn’t know this, right?

“You get a notification, you know.” Louis says, looking very amused by this. “When you take a screenshot I get a notification saying you do.”

Nick feels his face going redder and hotter than the actual sun, and this is the worst.

“Uhm… you… oh.”

Louis seems as if he wants to laugh or giggle, his nose scrunches up like the nose of a bunny, and it’s kind of too adorable. Gross, even. Nick finds it gross how absolutely adorable Louis looks.

“You never take screenshots of Zayn.” Louis smirks and Nick wants to slap him, and he does just that. Very playfully.

“Shut up.”

Louis bites down on his bottom lip, his blue eyes sparkling. He does shut up though, which is a small victory.

“Do you want to get a coffee or something?” Nick sighs instead, because he might as well just change the subject. Louis nods, grabbing his skateboard.

“If you’re buying.”

Nick rolls his eyes.

“Guess I am.”

 

~*~

 

It’s a quiet week and Louis is pretty sure he will soon be out of money completely unless he gets some jobs. He hasn’t been this low on clients in forever. Louis knows that going to the park is good business on Saturdays though. Zayn knows it too, but Zayn is still being whiny about it.

“Thought we were going to…”

“Don’t.” Louis stops him. “You can’t ditch me for how many times now, and then sit here and complain about me actually doing work. Because you know, I need the money. And we need the money. It’s nice to pay rent. And you know, afford cigarettes.”

“Those guys are…”

Louis rolls his eyes.

“I can take care of myself, Zayn, thank you. It’s very much appreciated how both you and Liam are looking out for me but you know that I can take care of myself. I am not a child. I know what I’m doing.”

Zayn runs his fingers over his arm.

“I’m just worried about you.” He murmurs, and Louis sighs. A bit fondly though. It is cute that Zayn cares, it is.

“I will text you as always, and you know you like me better when I actually have my cigarettes.”

“Besides Zayn, you still have me.” Liam cuts in from out of nowhere, jumping up in Zayn’s lap. “We can have a fun night.”

Louis rolls his eyes.

“Be careful, Zayn is a ditcher nowadays. You will probably end up alone, Liam.”

Zayn pouts.

“I said I’m sorry about that…”

“Yeah yeah.” Louis waves his hand. “You are forgiven. Now I should go, because you know, money to be made.”

Both Liam and Zayn hugs him before he go.

“Careful.” Liam whispers, pressing his lips against Louis’ temple.

“I promise.” Louis says, closing his eyes. Honestly, he doesn’t know why they are worrying.

 

The amount of time it takes for Louis to even get any attention tonight is having him questioning if he lost his charm or something. It’s usually never this slow, people usually like his tiny frame and tattoos and hair. Louis pouts a little, almost giving up when a tall man walks over to him.

It doesn’t even need words, and Louis knows this is just what he will get tonight. The man signals for him to follow him into one of the public stalls, and Louis does, knowing this far too well. The man smells of alcohol and cigarettes, and he is much bigger than Louis, arms swelling and he is the example of one of the guys that Zayn always wants him to stay away from, but Louis is desperate right now.

Louis knows when the man grabs his arm that this was probably a bad idea. But he closes his eyes, thinks about nice snaps of dogs and try to not think about the pain as his arm is twisted around his back and his jeans shoved down to his ankles.

 

 

~*~

 

Saturday night walks are something Nick never did when he was younger, if it wasn’t to go home after a party. Now Nick does enjoy a walk, even without Pig. Pig had been sleeping and wasn’t interested in fresh air and a starry sky like Nick was. He walks along the park path, not really because he remembers Louis and Zayn being there, only because it’s a good walk.

He didn’t actually plan to run into Louis at all only that he does. It’s just not what he had expected.

He notices Louis, and Louis looks disoriented. Not drunk, just disoriented. He walks as if he doesn’t know where he is going, and Nick carefully takes a step closer and is shocked with how Louis looks. Nick swallows.

Louis’ got a scratch over cheek, and something that looks like a bruise from someone grabbing his arm very tightly. Nick starts worrying, even more when Louis looks around as a deer in headlights when he calls his name softly.

“Lou…”

“Wh…. Oh. You. Hi.” Louis looks as if the last thing he wants to do is see Nick here, but not as if it’s Nick that is the problem, it’s just that he doesn’t want to be seen like this. “Just going home.”

“Who did that to you?” Nick asks because it’s never been his thing to just beat around the bush, he is always blunt and always says what is on his mind and he can’t help it. Louis looks as if he doesn’t want to talk about it, pretend like it doesn’t exist.

“What? This? Nothing. Walked into a wall.”

“You didn’t walk into a wall.” Nick says, taking a step forward. Louis flinches. “Louis, did someone hurt you?”

Louis wraps his arms around himself, looking even tinier. Nick feels like he wants to hold him. He doesn’t though, because if Louis is flinching just from Nick taking a step closer, he is not going to risk him being even more scared if Nick tries to get his arms around him.

“No.” Louis says weakly, and his hands go to his pockets now. “I just… they get rough sometimes, it’s no big deal. Just wasn’t expecting it.”

“They…” Nick stares, brain taking awfully long to process. “You mean…”

Louis stares at him, and lets out a little sob.

“Please don’t make me say it. Please don’t, Nick.”

Nick wants to scream. He can’t believe that this is true. He can’t believe people hurt Louis, and he can’t believe that Louis is standing here in front of him with bruises and that someone did this to him.

Someone paying Louis for sexual favors.

Nick doesn’t even want to think about it, he swallows thickly.

“Do you have anywhere to go?” He asks, it’s probably taken him too far to say it, but Louis looks up, and his eyes look sad as well as his whole body. So unlike the Louis that Nick has come to get to know.

“I should go home.” He says, wrapping his arms around himself again. “I just don’t… Liam and Zayn are out.” He lets out a little sob again and Nick can’t take it anymore. He reaches forward, carefully putting his hand on Louis’ arm. Louis doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even seem to notice it.

“Come to my place?” He asks softly, really not wanting Louis to be alone. “I… I mean it’s closer. I’ve got a guestroom and… I mean I will be there, me and Pig. I get that maybe you don’t want to I just…”

“Okay.” Louis says before Nick can even finish his rambling excuse of a sentence. “If it’s no trouble…”

Nick shakes his head quickly.

“No. No it’s not. Friends never mean trouble.” Nick asks, and Louis smiles and Nick feels that maybe this will mean trouble but he really doesn’t mind.

“Okay.” Louis just says again, and Nick thinks it’s as good a time as any to actually go home. He leads Louis carefully there, so happy it’s not that far, only 15 minute walk, even if it feels like it’s take forever.

“Knew you were posh.” Louis mutters as Nick opens the door to his house, and Nick can’t help but laugh. It feels a bit like the Louis he has come to know comes back for a second, and it feels comfortable.

“Just home.” Nick comments, and then as soon as the door opens he hears Pig barking, coming to meet them. “Pig, girl, take it easy, don’t jump.” He warns her, but Louis just smiles softly, petting Pig’s head lovingly, causing her to wag her tail like crazy.

“It’s fine, she’s so cute. It’s nice to meet you finally.” Louis whispers, and Nick feels emotional for no reason at all. It’s just Louis being cute with his dog. It’s nothing.

“Do you, uhm, want anything?” Nick asks, taking his coat off and showing Louis inside. “Tea or…” Maybe he should ask him more about what he has been doing, maybe he should ask Louis if he is okay, but Nick can’t, he doesn’t even know where to start so instead he just nervously babbles on.

Louis shakes his head though.

“No. Or maybe water. I don’t know, I am just tired.” He says quietly, and Nick nods.

“You uhm, can take my room.” Nick says, happy he decided to change the sheets this morning. “All is fresh and… I mean that bed is more comfortable. Right, water.”

He doesn’t know why he is so nervous, and it doesn’t help that Pig is running around like crazy, clearly excited about their new guest. Makes Nick wonder if she thinks it’s said how rare it is for Nick to invite someone home to him that isn’t Collette or Harry.

“Thank you.” Louis says, and Nick wants to say that he hasn’t even given him any water yet when he realizes Louis must be talking about the room and everything. Which only makes his heart hurt a little. Slightly. Not much. “Where is the bedroom?”

“Oh, it’s in here.” Nick quickly decides the water can wait until he can show Louis the bedroom. He opens the door, Pig immediately running in before anyone of them, trying to jump up on the bed. “No, Pig not there, you have your own bed.” Nick told her, grabbing her collar to get her to move to her bed. “Sorry, she just always sleeps in here, I can take her to the guest room too I…”

“No, it’s fine.” Louis says, and his voice is still so weak and quiet. Nick is almost slowly starting to forget how he used to sound before he was like this. It’s very strange.

“I’ll get you your water.” Nick mumbles, letting Pig get comfortable in her bed as he watches Louis sit down, only for a moment. Louis is looking at Pig, smiling softly and Nick’s hands are shaking as he gets the water. He can’t believe Louis is in his home. In his bed. He can’t believe all of this is happening. He fills the glass of water, adding ice just because he doesn’t really know if just water feels enough right now.

As he comes back to the room, Louis is already under the blankets. Nick feels himself again look at him a bit too long, wishing he could just do something.

“Here.” He says instead, putting the water down next to Louis. Louis looks up with a tired eye, it looks red and as if he hasn’t slept for days. “And… I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Louis mumbles, and he takes the glass, sipping the water slowly and carefully. Nick suddenly feels as maybe he overdid it by adding the ice cubes. He hope Louis won’t call him posh again.

“Still.” He says quietly, taking a deep breath. “Well the guest room is only down the hall and I mean… if you need anything, or if Pig is being noisy or… you know, you can just tell her to go to my room.”

He is babbling, already on his way to leave. Louis looks at him with both eyes. They are so blue. So very blue.

Nick wonders why eyes feel the need to be that blue.

“Can you stay here?” Louis asks, and he sounds weak and small and Nick can’t believe that he sounds like this, and Nick doesn’t want anyone to ever hurt him, and it scares him how much he feels that.

“Uhm…” He looks around. There is an armchair there, and it could work to sleep in, after all Pig likes it. “Yeah. Yeah. Let me just…” He motions towards the chair, but Louis sits up, quickly shaking his head.

“No… no, I mean… could you stay here?” He moves his hand over the space next to him in bed, and Nick’s throat go completely dry. “I just… don’t want to be alone.”

Nick swallows. Opens his mouth and closes it again.

“I… yeah. Okay.” He whispers, and Louis looks so relieved that Nick wants to cry again.

He takes his pants off, opting on keeping the t-shirt to sleep in as he gets into bed next to Louis. He nervously keeps to his side, afraid of doing too much. Louis is taking slow breaths, as if he is trying to calm himself. It reminds Nick of his asthma attacks. He doesn’t know why.

“You will stay, right?” Louis whispers in the dark. “You’re not going anywhere.”

Nick shakes his head, even if Louis can’t see that in the dark.

“No. No, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

“Good.” Louis whispers. Nick doesn’t know what to say. He lays still, worried about everything, wondering if Louis is sleeping, thinking about the fact that tonight might be the strangest of his life.

“Nick?” He hears Louis’ weak voice again.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” Louis whispers, and Nick feels a tear trickle down his cheek now and he is absolutely pathetic.

“Always.” He whispers back, wanting to ask Louis how long this has going on, wanting to ask him if he is okay, wanting to ask him why he needs to do this and if Nick can do anything to help him.

But he doesn’t ask, and Louis seems to fall asleep finally.

 

~*~

 

 

When Louis wakes up he has two missed calls from Liam, one from Zayn and a text from Niall. He grunts and puts the phone away, turning around and is then rewarded with a wet tongue in his face. At first he is startled, before he realizes and remembers that he is at Nick’s place, in Nick’s bed, and the wet tongue is no one else but Pig, the dog he has come to know and love through snaps. He smiles, patting her head.

“Hey girlie. Gonna wake up your dad now?”

Pig gives out a little soft bark before licking Louis’ nose again. Louis has to giggle, which causes his cheek to hurt slightly and he remembers the night before. It makes him feel cold inside as he remembers the grabby hands on him and the rough way he was taken against the wall, and he feels like he’s going to be sick. It’s gotten bad before, but not like this and he can already hear what Zayn will say. And Niall. And he doesn’t even want to think about Liam. He texts all of them, saying he is okay and will be home in a few hours before he turns his phone off.

“Hi.”

Louis turns around, noticing Nick is looking at him. His hair doesn’t look as fixed now as it usually does, and it’s a bit weird and also softer in one way.

“Hey.” Louis says, and he can’t stop smiling for reasons unknown. “I guess I kinda crashed here. Sorry.”

Nick smiles softly and shakes his head.

“It was okay. I asked you to, remember? Are you hungry?”

“Why, if I am, will you make me breakfast?” Louis asks, and Nick laughs, sitting up and running his fingers through his hair.

“No, because I can’t really cook. I could take you to this breakfast place though, they have the best Sunday brunch.”

Louis’ face light up. He feels happy.

“No one has ever taken me to brunch before.” He muses which okay, really might not be entirely true because him and Zayn have more than once went out after nights out, going for greasy pancakes at the restaurant close by, when they have money and energy. And now and then Zayn pays for both of them, but Louis doesn’t feel the need to tell that to Nick now. He feels better now. It’s almost as if he has forgotten last night, because it doesn’t matter right now. He files the memory under things he doesn’t want to think about again, and instead just focuses on the fact that he woke up next to Nick and there is a cute dog in the room and he might be given food which is a lovely gesture.

“Well I guess there is a first time for everything.” Nick smiles, and Louis thinks that this is very nice.

“Let me just freshen up and tell the boys where I am.” Louis nods. Nick smiles.

“Yeah, of course. Take as long as you need.”

 

~*~

 

Nick doesn’t want to spend too much time in the bathroom because Louis doesn’t, and he tries to not smile too much when he comes out and notices that Louis has searched for clothes in his closet and found a pair of sweatpants that looks way too big on him but that still looks… nice. And one of Nick’s shirts. One of the old ones.

“I never pictured you as someone who listen to Nirvana.” Louis comments because the print is a Nirvana one and Nick has to laugh.

“Well, there are a lot of things you don’t know about me then.”

Louis smiles. It’s such a lovely smile, even more lovely as he is wearing Nick’s clothes and Nick’s heart probably shouldn’t do the flip that it does.

“It’s just ‘round the corner.” Nick says instead, and Louis nods.

“Okay, just lead the way.”

 

They take Pig for a walk before they actually go so that they can leave her in the house without Nick feeling too guilty, and then they are finally on their way to the restaurant. Nick is hungry. He wonders if this is a date, for a moment, before pushing that thought away because dating Louis is not something he should be thinking about and it isn’t even near a date. This is just friends hanging out. Nick is okay with that. He lets Louis enter the place first, asking for menus and smiling as he turns to Louis.

“And you can order a bit of everything if you can’t decide on what to get, which is why…”

“Grimshaw! Hello, hi.”

Nick freezes and turn around. At a table near them he notices Harry, Fiona and Matt, all with filled plates and big smiles on their faces. Louis smiles nervously.

“Friends of yours?” He mutters and Nick nods quietly, knowing he needs to go over there.

“Uhm, hi guys.”

“Hey!” Matt says, standing up a little to greet Nick. He turns his attention curiously to Louis though shortly after.

“And who is this?”

“This is Louis.” Nick says and kind of wants to leave. He wasn’t aware the whole team had decided to take a Sunday brunch just today when he wanted to take Louis out.

Not that he doesn’t want to be seen. It’s not that.

“Hello, Louis.” Harry says with a little amused smile and Nick prays, actually prays that Harry won’t mention too much about what Nick told Harry about him before. Louis smiles, a bit unsure at first but then he shakes hands with all three of them.

“Hi, I’m Louis.”

He sounds sweet. Nick notices. Very sweet, and almost shy. Fiona gives him a smile.

“Come on love, you can come join us. We just got our food so you can join us.”

“Uhm, we…” Nick says, kind of wanting to come up with an excuse not to, but Louis is already sitting down next to Matt as if he has never done anything else. Nick can’t do anything but sit down as well, and soon everyone is all over Louis.

“How did you guys meet?” Harry asks, and Louis turns to Nick with an amused smile before Nick clears his throat.

“Oh uhm, you know. Through people we know.” Nick says. Louis stares at him, raising a surprised eyebrow, but instead of saying anything, he thankfully just nods.

“Yeah. Hanging out with the same people.”

“Where?” Matt asks, and Nick makes a mental note to himself to get less nosy friends, and who can’t really see that it’s probably not very likely that Nick and Louis would ever hang out in the same places, or the same crowds.

“Well… the dog daycare where I have Pig somewhere, Louis has dogs too.” Nick hates himself and doesn’t understand why he is even saying this, and Louis looks even more surprised now. It’s almost as if he is about to actually comment now on how what Nick is saying isn’t correct at all, but he doesn’t.

Nick doesn’t even know why he is lying. He doesn’t know why he isn’t telling them how he and Louis met. Harry already knows, anyway. But he isn’t commenting on it, he seems to just play along with what Nick is saying.

“Well let us know if Nick gives you any trouble love, we know he can be a handful.” Fiona teases, nudging Nick’s shoulder. Nick laughs nervously and Louis just smiles politely.

“I will remember that, thank you.”

 

It seems like the brunch never ends because they just won’t stop talking. They are all charmed by Louis, but Nick sits awkwardly as he doesn’t really know what to do with himself, or say. He doesn’t want to say anything dumb and Harry has numerous times hinted something about Nick and Louis showing up together and what that means, and Nick doesn’t want them to comment on it.

After forever and an hour, Matt gets up.

“Guys, we have to get going if we will make it to the fashion show on time.”

“Oooh, right.” Fiona and Harry says, both getting up.

“Remember what I said Louis, and it’s lovely to meet you. Swing by the office sometimes and say hi.” Fiona says with a friendly smile, giving Louis a hug. Louis nods.

“Maybe I will.”

They all hug, Harry squeezing Nick a bit longer than necessary before nodding in Louis’ direction. Nick has no idea what he is saying by that. All Nick knows is that he needs to get out of here now.

Harry, Fiona and Matt gets a taxi and Nick and Louis starts walking back towards Nick’s home. It takes a couple of minutes before Louis speaks up.

“So, you’re ashamed of me?”

Nick stops. His heart is beating faster.

“What, I…”

“You’re ashamed of me.” Louis repeats, staring at Nick with piercing blue eyes. “That’s it, right? You are ashamed of me because that must be the reason to why I just had to go back to drama school in there trying out this dumb charade that I wasn’t aware I was part of.”

“Louis, that’s not…” Nick stammers. “I just…”

“Is it because of how we met? Who I am?” Louis continues, his voice is getting louder. “Is that it?”

“Louis, I just didn’t know how to explain… I mean…” Nick tries to find the words but he can’t, he just can’t.

“Well sorry, sorry so fucking much that my life and life style doesn’t fit in with your friends!” Louis yells, and there are tears in his eyes and Nick hates to be the cause of that. “Sorry that you have to be ashamed for me with your posh friends.”

“I am not ashamed of you!” He shouts back, but Louis just laughs at that, throwing his head back.

“Oh my god, you are such a liar, you even believe yourself. Don’t fucking dare to stand there and say you aren’t ashamed of me. You can’t even tell your friends properly about me, you make up things because you don’t want them know I am a hooker and do drugs and live in a shabby neighborhood. You’re fucking ashamed of me!”

Nick feels like crying too.

“That’s not true, Louis.”

“No?” Louis spits out. “Because I thought that after all our texts and shit we were at least considered friends, and my friends knows about you because I talk about you but you are hiding me like some kind of… dirty secret.” He looks ready to punch Nick in the face. Nick isn’t sure if he would deserve that. He probably would.

“Louis it’s not true, I just don’t want them to…”

“What?” Louis yells, and Nick wonders what people must think as they pass by, and he hates himself that he is even thinking about that now. “Afraid they are gonna find out you enjoy spending time with me? That you can spend time with people who isn’t rich and posh and fancy? Is that it?”

“Louis, I just don’t feel the need to tell everyone about you, I feel like you and me is just… it’s mine, not something everyone should know…”

“Bullshit!” Louis yells and he has tears streaming down his face now. “Stop fucking lying to me, stop, stop, stop.” He does a motion to punch Nick, but Nick easily gets hold of his wrists, which only seems to frustrate Louis more. He is closer now, anger very clear in his eyes.

“I am not ashamed of you.” Nick whispers, even if maybe there must be some truth to it, he just doesn’t want to admit it right now. “Louis, I like spending time with you, I just don’t… know how to explain it. Us. This. Because I don’t understand it myself.”

Louis stares at him. He is taking deep breaths, and so does Nick, and they are so close now and Nick can see all the tiny freckles on Louis’ nose. All of them. He could count them. Louis’ eyes turn from angry to surprised, taking in everything Nick is saying as if he can’t believe it.

“I am not ashamed of you.” Nick repeats. He tries to keep his voice steady. “I love spending time with you. I love texting and sending snaps to you and I think you are great to be around and I don’t care who your friends are or what you do or how much money you have, it’s not about that. I just wasn’t… I didn’t _think_.”

Louis is staring at him. He is keeping his eyes on Nick, his lips trembling slightly.

And Nick can’t stop staring at him, he just can’t, the noise around them just suddenly so quiet.

Nick isn’t sure who leans in first, who closes the distance between them. It can be him, it can be Louis, he isn’t really sure and he is not sure if it matters as Louis’ lips, hot and soft and just _warm_ meets his, eagerly kissing him in ways that Nick feels probably isn’t that appropriate for a public snog, but he doesn’t really care and he can’t seem to mind because Louis already tries to lick his way inside Nick’s mouth and Nick lets him. Parting his lips at the same time he lets go of Louis’ wrists, and Louis seems to take this as an even more obvious invite to deepen this kiss, and his arms wrap around Nick’s neck. They stay like that, Louis leans back against bus stop and Nick follows, and he wonders how long he can go on kissing Louis, wonders if Louis always taste like this and is kind of regretting not doing this sooner because god, it’s better than anything Nick has ever experienced. He lets out a soft moan, tongue deep inside Louis’ mouth and it seems to awaken Louis from his blurry kiss haze. His eyes open, and Nick feels him staring and he opens his eyes as well. Louis pulls away, almost looking scared.

“Shit.”

His fingers go to his lips, touching them as if he can’t believe they just kissed. Nick feels the same. He takes a step back, unable to decide how to handle this now.

“I…”

“Shit, I gotta go. I gotta go.” Louis stammers, and he is running down the street faster than Nick has ever seen anyone leave after a kiss before. Nick is left staring after him, unaware to move, or think, or even begin to understand what happened.

“Louis…” He hears himself say, but Louis is long gone and so is the moment. Nick wonders how hard he can kick himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really do apologize if the next chapter will be out late, but i don't think it will. i will try my best to keep writing but i might be slightly more busy next week. jsyk!!!


	4. iv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a warning that next weeks chapter might be delayed with a week or at least a few days because I go to London Thursday and staying there until Monday!! But I hope to have time to write and have it posted on Tuesday.

~*~

 

Louis locks himself into the bathroom as he gets home. Zayn, Liam and Niall are all there and Louis hopes they won’t hear him sobbing. He feels like such an idiot.

He kissed Nick, he can’t believe it. He kissed Nick even after Nick acted like that.

But before that Nick was the sweetest Louis had ever experienced. Never had anyone done all that for him.

Louis lets out a loud, frustrated groan, hiding his face in his hands and sinks to the bathroom floor. Liam is knocking on the door within three seconds. It’s actually amazing how quickly that boy moves. Louis wonders if he actually does have the ability to teleport. When he isn’t feeling like sobbing his heart out or breaking furniture, Louis might ask him.

“Louis? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Louis sobs, but of course within five minutes Liam has managed to open the door even if Louis locked it (honestly he needs to find out how Liam does that as well because it doesn’t feel very safe) and then all three of them crowd next to Louis on the floor. Louis tries to keep it in but then he starts sobbing, reaching for all three of them at once. Zayn and Niall take a side each of him, and Liam wraps his big arms around all of them. It’s probably the biggest cuddle a human being can experience, and Louis is so thankful he can get that. He buries his face in the nearest chest, taking in the scent and warmth, knowing he is okay now.

“Tell us what’s wrong.” Zayn whispers, and Louis just sobs in response. He doesn’t want to talk, not yet, right now he just wants to enjoy the others being close to him, knowing that they won’t be leaving him. Knowing that none of them would lie about him to anyone.

“Love.” Niall frowns, as Louis just keeps sobbing. “Love, please tell us. You know it always gets better after you tell us. Please, Lou love.”

Louis can tell they are all being worried. But they have probably never seen him like this before, not in a long time anyway. Actually Louis can’t remember the last time he broke down like this, which really makes him snap out of it. He clears his throat.

“I hate men. Men are dicks. Apart from you, all men are dicks and I hate them.”

“Did someone hurt you?” Liam asks, suddenly noticing the bruise on Louis’ arm. “Someone hurt you.”

Louis nods. Someone did. But he couldn’t care less about the bruise now, not really. It’s not that bad.

“It’s nothing.” He murmurs instead, covering the bruise with his shirt. “I just… hate men.”

“Louis, is this about Nick?” Zayn asks softly, and Louis wants to hate Zayn too. Hates how Zayn reads him so easily, as if he can read his mind and it’s creepy. Louis wants nothing to do with that. He is grateful he’s got them, not so grateful when they can all just climb inside him to know exactly how he feels.

“Who?” He says instead, but he shouldn’t because they all give each other knowing looks. “Stop. Stop. I know what you’re thinking but no. It’s nothing. I don’t want to talk about Nick anymore, that’s all.”

“But he is your friend.” Liam says softly, as if that would be important right now. Louis snorts, shaking his head.

“No. You are my friends. He’s nothing. And I’m done talking about him. Wanna play Fifa?”

Liam, Niall and Zayn looks at each other and Louis just waits, wait for them to argue this.

But none of them do. Niall just gets up, walks to the TV and soon shouts that he is first.

 

~*~

 

“Do you have a few minutes?”

Harry knocked on the door, Nick didn’t even notice because he was too wrapped up in reading these documents. He’s covered in them, feels so very covered and as if he is drowning in work. It’s mostly his own fault. He chose this to happen now. It’s easier to work then to think about anything else.

“Uh, yeah sure.” He says, moving his coat from the second chair in the office so that Harry can sit down. “Is it about Cowell? Is anything wrong?”

Harry shakes his head.

“No. It’s not about work.”

Nick arches an eyebrow. Harry usually now and then comes around to talk about random things, they all do, it’s kind of their thing, but this must be the first time Harry is in Nick’s office looking this serious while saying he needs to talk about something.

“Uhm… yeah okay, what is it then?” Nick asks, and Harry sighs.

“Who is Louis?”

Nick’s body betrays him. He blushes so hard as soon as the name leaves Harry’s lips. He clear his throat, hoping Harry didn’t notice.

“Uh… no one, really. I mean…”

Harry interrupts him.

“Nick, I know Louis was the one who had your phone. And I know there is someone you have been almost obsessively been in contact with these last couple of weeks. And then Sunday you show up with Louis next to you, and there is this huge awkward thing and now you are only working. I haven’t even seen you use your phone for days, unless it’s clearly work related.”

“Harry please.” Nick tries, wondering how he can make this stop, making Harry stop putting things together and stop going at him like this. Nick doesn’t need to talk about it, and he really doesn’t want to talk about it with Harry who will most likely be with Louis on the fact that Nick was a jerk.

Nick doesn’t want Harry to think he is a jerk right now. He just doesn’t.

“Are you dating him or something?” Harry asks, and he looks genuinely concerned. “Because if you are, great! What is the big deal? I mean why are you hiding it?”

“I’m not… we’re… it isn’t… I mean it’s not like that.” Nick sighs. He can’t even talk properly right now. How he will be able to actually lead this company for a long time when his lack of conversation skills is like this, he doesn’t know. Harry just stares at him.

“Nick, you took him out to brunch, I have never seen you take _anyone_ out to brunch apart from maybe going with us now and then. So if…”

“Well, you are my friends!” Nick defends himself, knowing this might not help him at all. He needs to try though. “You are my friends, and he is my friend because that’s… that’s all, he is my friend. I just… we’re friends. Just friends.” _If that_ , he adds quietly to himself. Harry doesn’t need to hear that.

Harry keeps staring at him. Nick hates that he stares at him. Why can’t he just give up?

“I know about the kiss.” Harry finally sighs, and Nick almost falls off his chair.

“Wh… what. How can you know about that?!”

The way the corner of Harry’s mouth perks up, tells Nick he has been busted.

“I didn’t, just figured if I said anything you would either deny it or, like you are doing now, confirming this Louis is more than a friend to you. So kiss, huh?”

Nick wonders if it’s okay to throw documents at his employee, or if his dad will come back from the dead and kick him in the ass as he does. He feels like 90 % of the time lately he wants to throw things at Harry.

“Fine.” He said, deciding he might as well just be honest because if not Harry will just follow him around until he does. “We kissed. Once. After the brunch, we hadn’t kissed before that. And then he freaked out and ran away. So is that what you want to hear?” He asked, his voice raised without even meaning it to be. He sighed, running his hand over his face. “I me-messed it up Harry, that’s all. I messed it up.”

“I don’t think you are that bad at kissing so you can mess it up with a kiss.” Harry frowns. Nick wants to laugh. And cry. Maybe both at the same time.

“Not just that, I made him feel bad. About himself. I think. I didn’t mean to, but I did.”

Harry frowns, and he sighs as he looks at Nick.

“Nicholas, what did you do this time?” He asks, and Nick is almost a bit offended because he makes it sound as if this happens often, which it certainly doesn’t. Nick sure would remember if he seemed to often end up kissing and ending up confused with feelings for men as handsome as Louis.

He shakes his head. He can’t think about Louis or his face right now.

“I… I made him… god, none I said is true, okay?” He whispered. “Don’t tell Matt and Fiona, I don’t want them figuring it out. I mean I know you know, I just… I met Louis by accident, we started texting after I got my phone back and it’s… that’s all there is. We didn’t meet through dogs or anything like that. We met because he was smoking outside this place, we kept accidentally running into each other and he’s…” He paused, because that was really enough to tell. Harry didn’t need to know anything else. He sighed instead. “I don’t know why I lied, I don’t know why I didn’t tell you about him. I just… for one second I really felt like I wanted to keep him… for me. It’s greedy, I know. I just didn’t want people talking about it or him and then you were all there during brunch and I was very… shocked.”

His mouth feels dry as he finishes speaking, and he reaches for a can of diet coke he’s got on his desk. Harry just stares at him before he punches his arm.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“For being an ass!” Harry rolls his eyes, before punching his arm again. “And that’s for hiding from me that you have a crush on that guy. Ass. I thought we shared things like this.”

Nick wants to throw himself out of a window just to avoid this conversation. He wonders if maybe he can muster the skill to fly in about two seconds and avoid this. That would be the best thing.

“I don’t have a crush.” He whispers instead. “And even if I did, it doesn’t matter because I… ruined it.”

Harry sighs. He then punches Nick’s arm again. Nick will get the biggest bruise from this. He is about to comment, when he remembers Louis’ bruises from the other night and suddenly this doesn’t feel like a thing to even comment on.

“Talk to him and make it better then. I saw that he seemed to enjoy himself quite much in your company. Maybe you should just call him and try to explain your douchebag ways.”

“I…” Nick sighs, because he just doesn’t have the energy to argue, doesn’t really want to argue with him. “I will try.”

“Good.” Harry nods and then his face turns more business serious. “And now, I do have some things to discuss about the Cowell thing. Matt had some files…”

 

~*~

 

Louis has three missed calls from Nick. He wants to call him back, wants to reply to some of the texts but he just can’t bring himself to do it. He shouldn’t do it, anyway. The first days Nick didn’t say a word and now he has called and texted, but Louis just deletes the texts and then ignores the calls. He wonders when Nick will stop texting and calling, maybe forgetting about him and it makes Louis feel a bit scared.

“Are you okay?” Niall asks. Louis is walking him to work, the radio station being close to the skate park where Louis is meeting Zayn. Louis grimaces.

“He is just… calling me. I kind of want to…”

“Don’t.” Niall nods, without even listening to what it is Louis wants to do. “Listen Louis, I get that you have been talking a lot and that you kissed and stuff but if he can’t even be open about who you are with his friends, then it’s not someone you want to be around, okay? You are nothing to be ashamed for, he shouldn’t act as if that is what you are.”

Niall sounds really angry. Louis feels grateful that he cares this much. His life might be shit most of the time but at least he’s got great mates.

“I know.” He sighs. “But before that he was just… he was sweet, Niall. He took care of me and he didn’t even make a move on me even if I was literally in his bed and…”

Niall snorts.

“That doesn’t mean he is a saint. It’s kind of common decency for people to not like, jump people just because they are in their bed. Doesn’t really mean he is perfect.”

Louis sighs, stomping his foot and letting out a little frustrated growl.

“I know, okay I know. But for me it was so… and he didn’t even have to do that, you know? Help me. And the he took me out for brunch and yeah, he didn’t really… but I mean, I can’t even remember the last time anyone did that for me, ever.”

Niall tilts his head, looking over at Louis and sighing softly.

“I know, babe. But that’s why I am so worried. You are just… you’ve been through a lot, okay? A lot of shit and I am worried you will just jump into the arms of someone, thinking he is destined to save you and is this perfect guy, when really he is just normal and just slightly better than all the douche bags you usually run into. It’s not healthy, Louis. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

Louis feels like crying. Mostly because Niall is so caring about him, and also because he doesn’t really know when Niall got this smart.

“When did you turn into an amateur shrink?” He asks, nudging Niall with his elbow. Niall lets out a loud laugh, one where his accent can truly be heard. Louis’ favorite laugh from him.

“You gotta be hanging around you lot.” Niall comments and Louis’ face turns from fond to offended. He jabs Niall’s side.

“Hey. We’re not that bad. I mean, Liam is okay anyway.”

Niall giggles, leaning forward and kisses Louis’ cheek.

“Stay out of trouble okay? Tell that to Zayn too. And I’ll see you soon again. Please don’t let this guy back in just because he calls a lot.”

Louis sighs, closing his eyes as he feels Niall’s lips against his cheek.

“I promise.”

 

 

~*~

 

Louis opens the snap Nick sends him almost by accident, more like it. So it shouldn’t really count that he spends 14 seconds or something looking at two clips of Pig, chewing on the annoying squeaking toy and it really shouldn’t count that he smiles.

Anyway, no one is around to see it and that means it doesn’t count. It really does. Louis is certain that’s the way it works.

No one will know he watched that snap more than Nick who will see he opened it, which might be a bit of a disaster, but Louis misses him.

Douche or not, Louis misses him.

He sighs, before taking a pictures of just the black screen and adds a text saying **“cant fix this with pig”** and sends it, setting it to be shown for 3 seconds and hope Nick will get the message.

Nick does. He texts back and Louis reads the two words before he even has time to delete it.

**“I’m sorry.”**

Louis feels a tear trickle down his cheek which is ridiculous. But he has gotten used to Nick, used to Pig, used to constantly talking and he has never felt this confused in his life about things like these.

 **“It doesn’t matter.”** He texts back, before he can stop himself. Again, no one is around. Zayn is out with Ant and Danny, Liam is at work and Niall doesn’t even live here anymore. No one can see that Louis is texting with Nick again even if he shouldn’t do it.

**“Louis I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Please let me make it up to you.”**

Louis reads that text, feels his heart clenching in ways he had not allowed it to. Then he sighs, deletes the text and turns his phone off.

This is not really working out the way he had planned it to.

 

When Zayn gets back home, Louis is sprawled out on the floor feeling absolutely miserable. Zayn is next to him within seconds.

“Louis! What’s wrong?” Zayn asks, and Louis lets out a whimpering noise, hiding his face.

“I hate men. I hate them. Why do I have to meet someone who is so nice but such a dick and I still miss him so fucking much?” He cries out, frustrated beyond insanity at this point because _god_ this is not supposed to be this hard. Zayn sighs and wraps his arms around him.

“Louis, it will be okay. I promise it will be okay.”

“Don’t.” Louis whispers, hiding his face in Zayn’s chest. “Why is it like this? It won’t be okay. I’m so tired Zayn. You have to help me. You have to make me stay away from him because I just can’t do this.”

Zayn hesitates and kisses Louis’ forehead.

“He really hurt you, didn’t he?”

Louis grimaces. He isn’t really sure.

“Yeah. Or I mean. Pissed me off, you know. And I… I mean then we just…”

He makes no sense, and clearly Zayn can’t understand him either because Zayn just looks puzzled and Louis sighs again.

“I just wanted to keep him in my life but Niall says I don’t need dicks in my life and he is right, so now I have to stay away. I just can’t, it’s like I… am addicted.” He groans, curling even closer to Zayn and into his arms. “I am addicted to dicks.”

Zayn can’t help but laughing at that.

“We know that, bro.”

Louis tickles his sides, sighing.

“Not what I meant. Be serious. I am serious. What do I do?”

Zayn bites his lip.

“Are you sure you don’t just want to… work it out? I know Niall says stay away, but I mean… I have met Nick and he doesn’t really feel like a dick, I mean he does seem nice so maybe this was a misunderstanding and you can work it out? I mean, let him explain himself and…”

Louis shakes his head quickly.

“No, no. No. I can’t go there again because god, Zayn. It will only end up with me being more… pathetic. Even more pathetic, do you want me staying on this floor forever?”

Zayn sighs, hugging Louis even tighter.

“You have to do what you feel is the right thing to do.” He says, sounding old and wise. Louis sighs.

“Yeah. I’m so good at that.”

“Hey.” Zayn stops him, poking his nose. “You make good choices, most of the time. I mean all of us mess up now and then. But you certainly aren’t the worst of us. Chin up, buttercup. Let’s eat ice cream and have a movie night.”

Louis pouts a little.

“And you’re not leaving me this time like you have the other times we are supposed to hang out?”

Zayn shakes his head.

“Promise, bro.” He says quietly. “Just please, can we leave the floor. My ass hurts.”

“It’s because you don’t have one.” Louis snorts, but he does agree to move this pity party to the couch.

 

 

~*~

 

Nick waits until there’s been four days more of ignored texts and call since the texts Louis actually replied to, and then he decides he needs to go and try to see Louis. Usually he wouldn’t do this, isn’t sure why he is doing this either but he really doesn’t want Louis to think he is ashamed of him, and he doesn’t want their friendship, or whatever the hell this is, end with them being like this.

He gets out of the office early, hoping this mean someone will be home because he knows that those three are out a lot, and he doesn’t even know what Zayn and Liam does for a living, but he hopes whatever they do, it means that they can be home in the afternoon. At least this afternoon.

He feels so out of place as he walks the streets to Louis’ place, and when he gets there he is momentarily scared that he has forgotten about which door was Louis’, but he is reminded when he notices a scribble of _bus1 forever!!_ on the doorframe because he knows that Louis has a tattoo like that. He takes a deep breath and knocks on the door, hoping and praying and hoping again that he won’t be ignored by the door.

It takes forever. Then the door opens and Nick sees Zayn and he suddenly has no clue what to say.

“Uhm… hi.” He decides on, and Zayn stares at him from head to toe and back to head, arms folded over his chest.

“Hello.”

“I… uh…” Nick feels as if someone stole his tongue, actually ripped it out and stole it. It’s very uncomfortable, not a nice feeling at all. “Is Louis in?” He sighs, why even try to act as if there is another reason he is there? They both know the reason to why he is there.

“Why?” Zayn asks, staring at Nick with dark brown eyes, and Nick sighs again, running his hand through his quiff.

“I need to see him. I need to talk to him, I just… he won’t answer and I… please Zayn, I need to see him.” He realizes he sounds just about mildly desperate right now, but it can’t be helped. He came here to see Louis and he really just needs something. He does.

“I don’t really think that is a great idea, Nicholas.” Zayn says quietly, and Nick wants to scream because the tone of Zayn’s voice is not very pleasant to listen at.

“Please. I need to talk to him. If he doesn’t want to see me, can you please just tell him to reply to my texts? Please?”

Zayn looks at Nick. There is something close to pity in his eyes, but not really. Zayn sighs.

“I don’t know Nick. I’m sorry, he just doesn’t want to see you. He does things like this sometimes. Freaks out. It won’t help if he feels as if you are chasing him.”

Nick feels frustrated to the point where he just wants to punch the wall. He won’t do that, but he wants to.

“Zayn… I am very sorry that I hurt him, and I know that he has every right to be mad at me but I really, really want to see him. I really want to explain things.” He wonders if it will help if he gets down on his knees begging, but that will be beyond weird, and he won’t do that, just not yet anyway. “Please.”

Zayn looks like there is a battle going on inside of him. He looks from Nick, glancing back inside the flat, then back to Nick and sighs.

“Five minutes. That’s all.” Zayn holds up a hand, as if he needs to show Nick five fingers to tell him how important it is that it’s really just five minutes. “And if he punches you, that is not my responsibility, okay?”

“Okay.” Nick whispers, his heart beating faster. Zayn nods inside.

“He’s playing Fifa. Come on.”

Nick feels as if he is entering something so private and personal and as if he shouldn’t be here. There are a lot of different kind of band merch everywhere, it looks old and tattered and Nick wonders if that is the way it’s supposed to look. He thinks so. Maybe. Other than that it’s not much decoration, apart from the music theme going on and Nick swallows. He really isn’t sure at all what he will say to Louis when he sees him.

But he needs to figure it out, because it takes about two seconds to get to the living room where Louis is sitting. Nick feels the need to steady himself.

He is dressed in too big of a hoodie, covering most of his tiny frame in grey sweatpants and he is curled up on the couch looking absolutely, 100 % comfortable and Nick wants to reach out and touch him just to see if he is really real.

He won’t do that, but he wants to.

“Zayn bro, who was that, why do you take forever… Oh.” Louis has turned around mid-sentence, noticing Nick standing there as if it was the last thing he had expected to happen here. “Nick.”

“Hi.” Nick whispers, and Zayn clears his throat.

“I’m uh, gonna give you some privacy.”

It’s a mystery how that will happen in a flat this small and Zayn seems to realize that too because Nick hears him leaving shortly after, the door closing behind him.

“You didn’t answer my texts or… calls.” Nick says awkwardly, running his hand through his quiff which he does when he is anxious, and he should probably stop doing this this. Louis looks down.

“No. No I didn’t.”

“I’m sorry.” Nick whispers, wanting Louis to look at him. Louis doesn’t though, he keeps looking down. “Louis, I mean it. I’m sorry I made you feel like that. It was dumb and I was a dick. I don’t care about… it’s not about that. I just wasn’t ready to explain it.”

“Explain what?” Louis asks, he looks up and his eyes are so blue. “What exactly is it that you can’t explain about me, Nick?”

Nick’s face go red. Redder than he would have wanted it to, honestly. He can feel it heat up his cheeks as if he is getting burnt by the sun. Which honestly might not be that far from the truth because looking directly and Louis and the sun might be kind of the same thing.

“Everything. Louis, I don’t know what this is.” Nick tries to explain, tries to make some sense of the mess of words that currently live in his brain. “I meet up with you and we talk and it’s so nice but I don’t know… and then we kissed and I just…”

“It was an accident. We shouldn’t have.” Louis says, his face goes pink and Nick wants to argue how you accidentally end up kissing someone but he doesn’t right now, it just isn’t the time for that.

“I don’t know what I feel, I don’t know what you feel, I don’t even know what we are doing, so that’s why I just started… doing dumb things.” Nick sighs, and he wants to hide his face, wants to stop looking at Louis but he just can’t right now. “It’s complicated. And that’s why I just… said the dumb things I said. I didn’t want them all to know, and I wasn’t sure if…”

“You could have just said I’m a friend though.” Louis says simply, as if he isn’t buying into all of this at all. Nick wants to cry. “No need to go ‘round like this. Made me feel like shit, frankly.” He adds, honestly and Nick wants to cry even more.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He wonders if it’s okay to let out a frustrated growl. He decides not to. “Just… god, Louis. I miss hanging around you, I miss talking to you, I miss everything and I just… I just miss it.”

He feels out of breath and exhausted. It’s like he poured out everything inside, even if it’s mostly a mess of words. Louis looks at him, before he sighs.

“I miss you too. It just really hurt me. That’s all. I don’t like being hurt. I know I am not the poster child for perfect lives but I thought…”

“It doesn’t matter.” Nick whispers. “It really doesn’t matter, it doesn’t.”

They stare at each other. It feels like they are staring forever, and then Louis asks.

“Do you have to go home to Pig soon?”

Nick had not expected that question.

“Uhm… no… Collette is there, we were going to…”

“You wanna play?” Louis asks, nodding to the video game and he doesn’t even seem interested to here Nick finish that sentence.

Nick isn’t sure if he’s played Fifa ever in his life.

“Uhm… sure.” He hears himself saying, and Louis gives him half a smile, moving over on the couch so that Nick can sit down.

“I’m England.” Louis says as he hands Nick a controller. “You can be Italy. Or Brazil, if you want. Either way I’m gonna kick your ass.”

Nick can’t help but smile softly at that.

“Okay.” He says, wondering if maybe he should ask how you even play this game, and wondering what this means for them, or if Louis has forgiven him and maybe that he should get back home but he doesn’t.

He sit back, plays the game and Louis does kick his ass every single time.

When Zayn comes back it’s the 7th game they play and Nick thinks that Louis maybe has forgiven him.

Then he kisses Nick’s cheek before Nick actually has to leave, and Nick isn’t sure what this really means but he decides that Louis has forgiven him anyway, and that’s enough for now.


	5. v

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this was late but I was in London and too busy to write!! I am sorry. xoxo love you guys and thanks for reading and aaaall please leave comments and kudos ok bye

~*~

 

“Did you know that jellyfish can clone themselves?” Louis says, sipping his tea as he walks next to Nick, Nick wondering just how little sleep Louis can function on because considering how many snaps he gets during the night of Louis just doing things, Louis probably never goes to sleep and yet still here he is at 8am walking Nick to work.

“No, no, I didn’t know that.” Nick says, and he is tired. Pig had one of those nights, the nights where she doesn’t sleep and instead spends the nights running around in all the rooms she can get into, enough to drive Nick insane. Louis doesn’t stop, he seems to know more.

“Really! They can clone themselves. Like how crazy is that, like… they don’t even have brains, but they can clone themselves? Quite fascinating innit?”

“I am not sure.” Nick says, biting down on his lower lip as he tries to keep the amused smile off his lips. Louis pouts.

“You don’t think about this?”

“No, honestly, I don’t spend most of my mornings thinking about jellyfish, Tomlinson.” Nick muses, poking his side with his elbow. It makes Louis giggle, and jump slightly to the left, like a ticklish kitten. It’s a bit too adorable for a grown man.

“You should, jellyfish are great creatures of the planet.” Louis says in all seriousness as he jumps up on the steps leading up to Nick’s job, stopping Nick so that he can plant a kiss on his lips. “Can we meet up later?”

Nick leans into the kiss, eyes closing for just a second because even the light contact is enough to have him a little bit tiny dizzy.

“Mhm, I’m off work at around 5.”

“I’ll wait here.” Louis nods. “I mean, not here until 5, I am not that lame. But I will be here then, promise. Will you text me?”

Nick can really, really get used to this side of Louis. He nods.

“Yes, of course love.”

Louis grins, and then he is skating away and Nick takes the stairs two steps in one, and he might some time soon have to wonder about what it is he and Louis are actually doing here, but he can’t seem to be bothered about that now.

They talk, they have fun, and now and then Louis kisses him as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, and Nick is very pleased with that.

 

~*~

 

“How’s the boyfriend?” Niall asks. Maybe there is a slight hint of something in his voice that Louis probably should react to, but Louis isn’t bothered by anything right now. He’s got Niall in his kitchen and they have just eaten delicious lunch that Niall brought, and he had texts from Nick as he woke up, and he was only slightly hungover. Over all this is a great day and he doesn’t want to dwell on things. He is never really a dweller. Especially not now.

“I don’t have a boyfriend, Nialler.” He says instead, sipping his tea. “But if you are talking about Nick then well, he is okay.”

Niall lets out a little noise of disapproval, and Louis sighs.

“Darling, please don’t worry about it. We are friends and that’s all. We talked things out and it’s… I mean, we’re doing the friends thing. It’s nice to do the friends thing. Don’t you want me to make new friends Niall?” He pouts a little which makes Niall groan even louder.

“You and Zayn have to stop with the pouting thing. Seriously. It might be the cause of some people dying one day, honestly.”

Louis snickers before kissing Niall’s cheek.

“Why stop something that always ends up giving me what I want?” He says instead, batting his eyelashes in Niall’s direction, and Niall shoves him away.

“Gross. Stop trying that.”

Louis grinned, knowing he had won again and that Niall wasn’t going to be grumpy about any of this now.

“Nope. Not gonna.” He tickled Niall’s sides, causing the blond lad to squeal and jump out of his way completely. “Well then, how is your girlfriend?”

Niall’s face lights up and he bites his lip. It looks adorable. Louis kind of wants to pinch his cheeks.

“Good. Great. I really like her, y’know? Makes me happy.”

“All that is important.” Louis says knowingly, as if he is the expert on relationships and love and everything that comes with it. It’s ridiculous, really. Niall smiles.

“Yeah. So when are you meeting her?”

Louis blinks, a bit surprised.

“You actually want us to meet her?” He asks, and it’s as if Niall suddenly realizes what he actually asked because he freezes.

“No. wait. Okay no I want her to meet Liam. And then maybe you and Zayn separately, not together.”

“Come on!” Louis complains loudly. “What do you think we’re going to do, scare her off?”

“Yes.” Niall stares Louis dead in the eye. Louis stares back.

“Honestly, babe, how many times have that happened?” Louis whines and Niall looks thoughtful as if he is thinking this through.

“Three times.” He finally says. “Three times, you’re not going to meet her together. Not at least before I know she truly wants to be with me so not even you can ruin that.”

Louis sticks his tongue out.

“Ass.”

“I know you like it.” Niall muses and slaps Louis’ bum before he grabs his guitar. “Tell the lads I stopped by okay? I’ll call them later.”

“You walking out now?” Louis pouts again. “I thought we were having a whole day together.”

Niall looks a bit sad lately which almost makes Louis feel guilty for pretending that he thought they were going to hang out the whole day, he is very well aware of the fact that they were just going to have lunch.

“Sorry. It’s just a lot at work now. They asked me to sit in with Greg and play some songs!”

Louis smiles brightly.

“Aww that’s lovely Ni!” He says because it is, and Niall doing music work and radio work makes him so happy because he knows how much Niall has dreamed about this. “Well then don’t let me keep you here, go on, go on. I’m sure I can handle being alone for a couple of hours.”

“Don’t burn the place down.” Niall says fondly.

Louis will try.

 

 

 

~*~

 

Nick takes a two hour lunch break when Louis says he is craving fried chicken and ice cream one day. Harry’s eyebrows wriggling suggestively as he tells the team that he will be a bit longer this lunch.

“Mhm, and who will you take this lunch break with?”

“None of your business, Styles.” Nick says, which gets Matt and Fiona to curiously listen in and Harry to only look even more like the biggest child ever who is trying to mess with their parents.

“I didn’t know Louis changed his name to ‘none of your business’. Are you allowed to change your name to that?”

“Oooooooh is it Louis he is meeting?!” Fiona joins in on Harry’s teasing and Nick absolutely, absolutely thinks about firing all of them. Maybe all at once, maybe right now.

“Shut up.” He says, grabbing his wallet. “This is private. Private lunch meetings.”

“With blow jobs?” Matt asks and Nick might actually go print out the paper work for immediate resigning now.

“Bye.” He settles on saying instead because even though they are driving him insane, he is pretty sure he kind of wants them around anyway. Also it would be a hassle to hire three new people in the middle of everything going on right now.

“Use condoms!” Harry shouts loudly enough for all of London to hear as Nick gets into the elevator.

Nick flips him off, but he also can’t help but smile.

 

They eat a greasy KFC lunch that Nick hasn’t had in years, and then Louis talks Nick into walking to Hyde Park and get them both the biggest ice cream cones Nick has ever seen, and he spends too long deciding on what flavor to get. He settles on blueberry, raspberry, mango and dark chocolate as Louis gets four scoops of mint chocolate chip. It’s light green and it looks gross.

“Why is your ice cream a mess?” Nick asks as they walk down the path of the park that isn’t as crowded as the rest of them. Apart from a mum with two kids and a few lost tourists, it’s only the two of them. It’s nice.

“I like mint chocolate chip.” Louis says, licking his ice cream cone in the most obscene way one can lick an ice cream. Nick needs to roll his eyes.

“It’s gross.”

“So is your face love but you don’t hear me pointing that out.” Louis says sweetly and Nick is tempted to show his ice cream cone in his face.

“You just did. My face is not gross!” Nick complains and Louis grins, pecking his nose with a quick kiss.

“Only a little. Maybe it’s because you’re old. I heard it happens to old people.”

“Remind me again why I am taking you out for ice cream and skipping work for you.” Nick groans, then groans inwardly because that sounded as him hinting this is a date. Which it isn’t. They have never called anything of this dating. Never. Louis doesn’t seem to catch on to it though because he just giggles.

“Because you like it. And aw!” He says, spotting a dog running by chasing a rubber ball. “We should have brought Pig. She would have loved this!”

Nick’s smile grows even bigger at that, because other people thinking about Pig always make their way to the top of Nick’s favorite people list.

“She would have. Next time we will bring her, okay?”

“And a rubber ball. Those are good too.” Louis hums, and goes back to licking his ice cream.

Again Nick thinks about how he said next time, how he talks about this as a date and all they do and how Louis doesn’t correct him.

But he also knows that they haven’t named anything they are doing here, no labels. So he should stop thinking about it.

“Hey.” Louis says, turning to face Nick. “I read this other thing about jellyfish…”

 

~*~

 

Louis comes over one Friday night, Nick had really thought to just get an early night’s sleep but he doesn’t complain when he opens the door and there is a Louis outside, smiling brightly and holding up a bag of Thai food.

“Hey, you have plans?” Louis asks with an eyebrow raised as he licks his lip. Nick wants to laugh because it’s a bit adorable how Louis shows up and then asks if he actually is free. Nick is tempted to lie and say that he does have plans just to see his reaction, but then again he is pretty sure his sweatpants and pale pink shirt that once in a time wasn’t that pale is giving him away.

“No.”

Louis grins as if he has won the lottery and Nick can’t help but to feel very, very pleased with the fact that he can make Louis feel like this. He still doesn’t know what this all means but that doesn’t feel important now.

“Let’s eat and we can watch movies or something. Hey Pig!” He adds cheerfully, shoving the bag of food in Nick’s hand as Pig comes to great him, getting to the floor to be able to fully hug Pig who starts licking his face and Nick might actually explode from watching this.

“You look dumb.” He says instead with a fond smile and Louis looks up as Pig is still licking his face.

“Your dog thinks I’m cute you are just jealous she loves me more.”

Nick wants to say that he doesn’t blame her for loving Louis, that probably _everyone_ loves Louis but he isn’t going to say that. He takes the food into the living room instead, placing it on his coffee table before turning the TV on. There is some show with music videos on, he doesn’t understand what theme because it seems to be random but he doesn’t really mind. Louis flops down next to him, reaching for the food.

“’m starving.” He complains, rummaging the bag for some chopsticks. “Feed me, Nicholas.”

“I am so not feeding you.” Nick laughs, but he does find some chicken wings in one box that he still ends up feeding Louis while there is an old Westlife song on the TV. Pig finds her bone, settling in the corner chewing it and it surprises Nick how easy this is and how good it feels.

Especially when Louis rests his head against his shoulder.

They eat until they can’t eat a bite more which leaves half the food that Louis brought and Nick should put it in the fridge but he is too comfortable and lazy so instead he stays put. They go through music video after music video, Louis commenting on outfits and songs and Nick just listens, smiling and only complaining when Louis offends some of his favorite videos. Nick has no idea how long they stay like this, but it Louis that moves first.

“God I love this song.” Louis lets out a little pleased groan as the first words of _Can’t be tamed_ comes through on the TV. Nick arches an eyebrow.

“Re…” He begins to ask but to his surprise Louis has already made his way up from Nick’s couch, standing in the middle of the room as he starts to move to the song.

Really move. Really much _slutty_ dancing move.

Nick can’t do anything but actually watch as Louis bends over, rolls his hips in circles, mimicking a lot of Miley’s moves from the video and Nick wonders what he ever did in life to deserve this lovely, lovely boy in his room but he doesn’t mind. He doesn’t mind at all.

_I go through guys like money flyin’ out the hands_

Louis smirks, moving over to Nick and grabbing his shirt, pulling him up to the floor with him.

“Come dance with me.” He murmurs and Nick thinks about saying that he doesn’t really dance, at least not this sober, very much not so in his own living room but Louis is radiant like this and there is a way he draws him in and Nick can’t say no.

Louis pulls him with him, before turning around, backing up to Nick bending over slightly and Nick is honestly so sure right now he is watching Louis perform some kind of mating ritual as he tries to rope him in and he just lets go, grabbing Louis’ hips to grind gently against him. He is already sporting a semi. He hopes Louis is as well, hopes Louis like this just as much as he does.

“Are you trying to get into my pants?” Nick murmurs, voice a bit deeper than he thought it would be. Louis lets out a big giggle laugh.

“Mmmm…. Maybe.”

Louis turns around quickly, getting up on his tip toes to wrap his arms around Nick’s neck.

_I'm like a puzzle but all of my pieces are jagged_

Nick’s arm snake around Louis’ waist, pulling him closer.

“Is that why you came here tonight?” Nick asks, because if that’s the truth then god, everything is like his dreams. Louis licks his lips.

“Mmm, maybe I just wanted to eat. And play with Pig.”

Nick looks at him, Louis still licking his lips. It reminds Nick of how he licked his ice cream. Reminds Nick about how much he want to see what else Louis can do with that tongue.

“Want you.” Nick whispers hoarsely, too turned on to think now. Louis smirks, looking very pleased.

“Take me, then.”

It’s enough for Nick and he closes the distance between their lips, kissing his way into Louis’ needy and warm and so very welcoming mouth. Louis lets out a little hum of approval, kissing him back with needy tongue and grabby hands that go to Nick’s hair. Nick grabs Louis’ bum, hauling him up easily and Louis follows, jumping up to wraps his legs around Nick’s hips which only makes it easier for Nick to press him up against the wall, kissing him as Louis lets out the most loveliest of sounds a human can make.

“Bedroom?” Nick asks lips pressed against Louis’ lips and Louis lets out another soft moan.

“Fuck yes.”

Nick carries him there, his arms only going a little sore before he kicks the door closed (Pig is a puppy she doesn’t need to see this and be scarred for life) and carefully drops Louis on the bed, all his blankets almost swallowing him. Louis reaches for his shirt, pushing it up.

“Get your kit off, come on.” He whines, so impatient it’s perfect. “Nick c’mon get your kit off.”

Nick follows his orders, can only do that, and Louis sighs happily as he takes his shirt off, the sweatpants and boxers quickly following.

“Yes, yes.” Louis almost chants and undresses himself, touching Nick everywhere he can reach and running warm hands over Nick’s hard cock and he is so turned on now, so turned on.

Naked Louis is amazing. Naked Louis is something Nick could watch all day.

Louis runs a hand over his own chest, looking up at Nick with lust filled eyes. Nick feels like he can’t look away from Louis’ dick, it’s so pretty and nice, thick and pink, Nick wants to touch and suck and…

“Do you want to fuck me?” Louis asks, voice so husky and low and Nick almost faints.

“I… fuck yeah.” He says and Louis grins.

“Give me lube. Condoms.”

Nick trips on his way to the drawer to find the lube and condom, only almost ending up with a slight concussion as he bangs his head against the side of the bed but it isn’t that bad, and Louis giggles and takes the stuff from him once he’s found it.

“How long has it been?” He asks, grinning before laying down on the bed. Nick gets in next to him, safely away from anything he can trip over. Louis lets out another laugh as Nick just pouts, and struggles to open the bottle of lube which Nick knows is a bit of a hassle.

“What… what are you doing?” Nick asks surprised, looking at Louis with big eyes as Louis manages to open the lube, coating his fingers and quickly pushing two fingers inside himself. Louis hisses, a bit annoyed.

“Opening myself up for you of course, what the fuck does it look like I’m doing?”

Nick closes his eyes. As much as the idea of Louis fingering himself for him is better than a lot of things, but this is not what he wants right now.

“No.” He says softly, holding on to Louis’ wrist softly to stop his fingers. “I want to do it. Please let me do it.”

Louis stares at Nick as if he is mental, which is not a look that is that rare when it comes to Louis looking at Nick, but Nick hadn’t expected him to look like this now.

“Uhm… why?” Louis asks, and suddenly he looks soft again, so soft, all his features soft and feathery as he looks up at Nick with almost insecure eyes. “It’s boring, I can do it, it’s no big deal, it’s quicker like that right? You’ll get what you want sooner.”

Nick wants to cry. He wants to cry and he wants to punch everyone in the face who has made Louis feel like this, made him feel as if he is not worthy of their time. It scares Nick how worthy he thinks Louis is, of all his time. He wants to give Louis all his time and he can’t believe Louis is here, spread out and naked and he thinks that Nick doesn’t want to touch him like this, only want his cock in him.

As if Louis is a quick fuck as always that Nick will throw out with the trash as soon as he is done.

“I want to do it. Can I please do it?” He asks, and Louis’ eyes are so very big and blue when he meets Nick’s eyes, and Louis nods after what feels like forever.

“O-okay. Okay. I guess.”

Nick wants to let out a breath of relief, but he doesn’t, instead he gets the lube to coat up his own fingers, hovering slightly over Louis as Louis melts into the mattress, spreading his legs for Nick. Nick gets in a better position, taking his time as he moves his thumb over Louis’ entrance, gently pressing down, causing Louis to let out a soft moan.

“Nick…” He says quietly, and Nick sort of wonders if he is about to tell him not to, but then he looks up at Louis, and his lips are parted, eyes closed and he looks very okay with this and Nick takes that as an okay.

“You’re pretty.” He says instead and Louis huffs at that.

“Just finger me, Grimshaw.”

Nick is pretty sure he can get used to being ordered around like this in bed.

He carefully slides a finger inside. It’s easy, Louis already slick and open from his own fingers which makes it easy for Nick. He feels a bit lightheaded, Louis is tight and hot and there is a certain clenching going on that Nick is very much into, and he can’t even imagine how it will be when he is finally inside.

“Go on.” Louis whines, clearly not really into the way Nick is taking it slow. “Just fucking start it already, give me two, do I look like a virgin to you Nick, come on.” The words comes out as pants and it makes Nick both more eager to go on, and also eager to tease. There is a thin line between please and tease.

“Okay darling.” Nick whispers and he slides two fingers inside, not so slow this time and it gets quicker when Louis moves against his hand, rocking down on his fingers to get them even deeper. Nick needs to close his eyes.

“G-good, like that.” Louis moans, and as Nick opens his eyes again Louis is fucking himself slowly on Nick’s two fingers buried deep inside you, and Nick wonders if he has died and gone to heaven because there is no way this is happening to him, no way. He moves his fingers slowly, watching them slide in and out of Louis and the way his hole stretches around him and it feels so good.

“Want a third?” Nick asks, and Louis shakes his head.

“No, no, do it now. Get in me Nick, come on.”

Nick swallows, closing his eyes and biting his lips because Louis’ eagerness is too much, Louis begging will have him come before he is even inside and he doesn’t want that. not at all.

“It… it will hurt if I…”

Louis leans up, kissing him hard.

“I don’t mind…” He says slowly with a little smirk dancing on his lips. “Like it a bit rough… like when it hurts.”

Nick kisses him back, shaking his head.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He mumbles, and then even if Louis is whining he slides a third finger inside. “Wants it to be good for you.”

Louis is silence at that, as if no one has said that to him before, or it’s just Nick’s imagination. He moves his fingers, scissoring them and adding more lube, taking his time and resists temptation to cheer as a little cry from Louis tells him he hit his prostate.

“F-fuck.” Louis whimpers, clenching his hands in the sheets. “F-fuck Nick g-god I…”

“You look so pretty.” Nick whispers, kissing down Louis’ spine. There are some cuts there he doesn’t know how they got there, and he kisses over all of them, not sure if Louis can tell.

“Please Nick.” Louis whimpers, rocking down against all of Nick’s fingers now, slick with lube. “Please, n-need you now.”

Nick forces himself to spend a few more minutes on fingering him, but then there’s too much. He pulls out his fingers, wiping them off on the bedsheets before he reaches for the box of condom. He struggles with the wrapper for a while before he can finally roll it over his cock. He is throbbing, so hard, so needy and Louis letting out little needy moans really isn’t helping.

“Do you want…” Nick asks, wondering about their position but Louis has decided for them, getting on his hands and knees for him.

“Come on.” He urges him on, spreading his legs. “Come on.”

Nick gets on his knees behind him, one hand on his hip and the other hand guiding his cock towards his entrance.

“Is it o…”

“Nicholas Grimshaw if you ask me one more time if I am okay with this I will finish myself off, get your cock in my ass right this second or I will fucking punch you.” Louis shouts and Nick wants to laugh but he doesn’t. Instead he listens to what Louis is saying, pressing the head against his hole.

“Just making…”

“Do it now.” Louis hisses, looking back at Nick and Nick nods, and then he finally, finally pushes in.

It’s one, smooth move. Nick slides in all the way, bottoms out easily and he almost comes within two seconds.

He isn’t sure how long it has been since he had sex. He is sure it was never this good though.

“Move.” Louis orders and Nick nods, and he starts thrusting, slow at first because he still isn’t sure he wants to go that hard, but then Louis grabs the headboard, rolling his hips back against Nick and they are so entwined now, Nick so deep in him that he isn’t sure when his body ends and Louis’ begins, only that it’s tight and warm and lovely and all he wants.

“G-god.” Louis whimpers and Nick agrees silently, their hips slapping together as Nick go deep, hard, all in time with Louis begging for more.

Louis’ loud voice is evern louder, even more beautiful when he is like this. Nick wants to listen to it forever.

“You feel so good.” He praises Louis, kissing down his spine as both his hands grab holds of Louis’ hips, Louis making a pleased sound at that. “So-so good.”

“Fucking amazing.” Louis murmurs with eyes closed and Nick wonders if he is talking about himself or about Nick but it doesn’t matter.

Nick comes before Louis, the way Louis clench around him, moans for him and the way he feels too much for him. It’s with a loud cry and Louis isn’t that far behind, coming before Nick has to pull out and tie up the condom, hoping he hits the bin as he tosses it to the side. They collapse next to each other in the bed and everything is so warm, so sweaty, so smelly and so wonderfully perfect.

It takes Nick about half an hour to get back to his normal breathing, enough to focus. They stay like that, they are sticky and gross but Nick couldn’t even care. They had sex. He had sex with Louis and Louis is in his bed and everything is amazing.

“Nick?” Louis asks finally after what feels like forever, looking up at Nick. His eyes are big, wondering, and for some reason it makes Nick nervous. Nick swallows, nodding.

“Yeah, love?”

“Are you ashamed of me? Of what I do?” He asks, and his voice is weak and Nick hates that it is like that. He also kind of had hoped it wouldn’t be this weak right now, not after this. But then again, it’s not up to him to decide when Louis decides to ask about things.

“No.” He says. “I’m not ashamed.” And before he can stop himself he says. “I wish you didn’t have to do it though.”

Louis huffs a little. He moves around, Nick worries he might leave but he is just getting comfortable, head resting on Nick’s chest.

“Maybe, but not everyone’s life is perfect sadly. I’m okay. It’s better than when I was younger. The first years I was… I mean I left home when I was 16 because I had a fallout with my mum.” He says quietly. “I mean until I was 18 I was just… trying to avoid everything. Everyone. Then I met the boys and everything was better. My life is good now. It is.”

“Why… why did you… I mean what happened?” Nick asks, careful to not ask too much because he isn’t sure for how long Louis will be honest now. But this is the first conversation they have had about this. Nick doesn’t want Louis to stop telling him things, wants him to keep going.

“We didn’t get along. She met a new guy which I mean, maybe he was better than my dad who chose to leave and be absent all my life but… yeah the guy wasn’t keen on having a gay son that wasn’t even his under his roof.” Louis shrugs as if this isn’t a big deal even if Nick is sure it must be. “I didn’t want to cause trouble. I have younger siblings. I mean I… I left because it was better for them. Haven’t seen them for years. It’s better like this.”

There is so much pain in Louis’ voice that he tries to hide. Nick can tell. He runs his fingers over Louis’ arm. Louis lets his fingers run over Nick’s chest.

“I’m sorry.” He says softly. “Sorry about that… your dad wasn’t around. I know how… it feels. Or I mean, maybe I don’t but I mean my dad died and it was… I knew it was painful to have him gone. It made me… have to change my life a lot.”

“My dad chose to leave though.” Louis says, still lazily running his fingers over Nick’s chest and it makes Nick’s heart stop a little, just a bit, because it has been so long since anyone ever touched him like this. It’s intimate and even more so than what they just did, and Nick thought it was a myth that you could feel intimate like this, not by sex, but apparently it’s not. “Your dad didn’t chose to have a heart attack. It’s not the same thing.”

“I know.” Nick murmurs, and he wants to put his hand on top of Louis’ hand, but he is afraid Louis will stop drawing circles on his chest if he does, so he lets his hand be still. “Not the same. Sorry I said that.” He worries Louis will think he is insensitive, but Louis doesn’t seem to react to that.

“It’s okay.” Louis whispers, and he feels small, not just because he is shorter and thinner than Nick is, he just feels small in his arms. “I know what you mean. I think.” He pauses, looking at Nick until Nick meets his eyes and they are so piercing blue, so beautiful and god, Nick might be a tiny bit in love with him. “Do you like this? I mean, what you’re doing here. Do you like being boss and order people around and wear those suits?”

“I don’t really order people around.” Nick says, because he is pretty sure Fiona would say it’s not true if she heard Louis say this. “They order me around.”

Louis laughs at that. Nick presses a kiss against his shoulder.

“They seem nice.” Louis finally says after being quiet for a while. “It must be nice to you know… work with people like that.”

He sounds sad. Nick moves a little closer, safely wrapping his arms around Louis’ tiny frame. Louis buries his face in his chest.

“They are the best.” Nick mumbles, running his fingers over Louis’ spine. “I am a lucky guy. It might not… it might not be what I always wanted to be, but it’s good.”

Louis looks up, his blue eyes very curious.

“What did you want to be?” He asks, and Nick wonders how much he should tell him because he doesn’t really talk that much about this but then again, this is Louis and Nick might as well just admit to himself that he doesn’t really have the strength to not be honest to Louis.

“I… wanted to be a radio DJ.” He admits, feeling a blush spread on his cheek. “Like… maybe it’s dumb but I’ve just… I loved music, loved the idea of radio and working there and… I kind of dreamed of hosting the breakfast show and… I just like it.”

Louis is quiet and for a moment Nick worries Louis might laugh at him but Louis leans forward, pressing a kiss against his jaw.

“I can see that. You know. I mean you have a nice voice.”

Nick blushes even harder at that.

“Well I… yeah. It was a dream. But now I’m where I am, you know. Got to step up.”

“It doesn’t have to be like that always though.” Louis says softly. “You don’t have to just stop your life and your interests to take over after your dad, you know. You should do what you want. Life is too short. It’s too short to… do what others tell you to.”

Nick swallows. He has no idea why he feels like crying. He shouldn’t. He kisses Louis’ temple.

“Maybe. But right now I just… do what I do.”

Louis hums, settling in properly in Nick’s arms.

“Just don’t ruin yourself.” He whispers, and Nick wants to ask what ruined Louis more, wants him to tell him everything, kind of wanting to fix it even if he knows he can’t.

He is about to say something else when he is interrupted.

“Shit is that the time?” Louis groans, looking over at Nick’s alarm clock before getting to his feet. Nick lets out a pathetic whimper as the warm body disappears from his arms. “I have to go.”

“What, now?” Nick asks, because it’s 1am his clock tells him and Nick thought Louis would stay the night. “It’s the middle of the night.”

“I know, I was supposed to meet Zayn two hours ago, he’s gonna kill me.” Louis grunts, and Nick wonders if it’s true or if Louis is going to do something else.

But it hurts to think about so Nick pushes those thoughts away, instead focusing on the fact that Louis said he was going to Zayn. Imagining Louis hanging out with Zayn is much better.

“Oh… okay.” He says, and Louis leans in to peck his lips as he is fully dressed.

“This was fun.” He says with a cheeky grin. Nick nods dumbly.

“It… it was.”

“I’ll call you later. Or you know. Tomorrow or something.” Louis says as he remembers the time of the night. Nick nods again.

“Sounds good. Maybe we can…”

But Nick doesn’t have time to say that maybe they can get brunch because Louis is already out the door. Nick hears Pig let out a confused bark as if she doesn’t know either why their guest left in the middle of the night.

Nick agrees with her.

He turns around and there is traces of Louis on his pillows and everything smells of him and Nick curls his fingers around the pillow Louis had rested his head on.

And he knows he is _completely_ fucked.


	6. vi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay a new chapter, sorry it's a bit late but enjoy?? xoxo

~*~

 

Louis hums as he makes the eggs just the way Liam likes them. He feels like spoiling him. Zayn is off to god knows where and hasn’t texted and asked for breakfast, but Louis is in a great mood and has been for days so he feels like spoiling Liam.

He knows Liam likes all kinds of eggs and that’s why he makes all kind of eggs and only really almost accidentally burn the kitchen down once. And that wasn’t even his fault, it was just that the pan turned too hot too quickly, it could happen to anyone.

When Liam shows up in the kitchen it’s 10am and Louis grins as he notices the confused look on his face when he notices that a) Louis is already awake and not grumpy as shit and b) there is actual breakfast on the table, not just Louis putting a box of cereal and some milk on the table along with tea and saying ‘here it’s breakfast eat it’.

“What did I do to deserve this?” Liam asks suspiciously, eyeing the food and the way Louis puts egg after egg on his plate.

“Can’t a lad spoil his lad?” Louis asks with a raised eyebrow, seating himself by the table and pushing the eggs over to Liam’s side generously wanting him to have the most of it. He does give himself the biggest tea mug though because Liam might appreciate eggs, but he is not as big of a fan of tea that Louis is, so Louis thinks it’s only fair that he gets to drink most of the tea.

Liam pulls a chair out and sits down. He grabs a fork, still looking way too suspicious as he gets a piece of scrambled egg, chewing it slowly.

“Hey, this is good.” He sounds surprised and Louis’ chest swells with pride because hah, there is to everyone who says he can’t cook. He does know how to cook. At least eggs, and at least if he has a few hours to deal with mistakes.

“All for you.” Louis chippers, sipping his tea and treating himself to a plate of fried eggs. Liam looks at him again.

“And what do you want from me?” Liam asks, and Louis is almost offended by that. Almost. “Because you know, I am just as broke as you probably are and I don’t have any weed either.”

“Liam!” Louis protests and pokes at him with his fork in the air. “It hurts me that you think I am doing this for any other reason than that I love you.”

“There is always another reason. Spill it.”

“It’s really not.” Louis says truthfully because there is no reason. “I am just in a very good mood, that’s all.”

Liam still looks suspicious, and eyes Louis before he slams his hand on the table as if he finally gets it.

“Oh god, you had sex.”

Louis can’t stop the faint blush from spreading his cheeks, but he bounces back quickly.

“I always have sex Liam that’s my thing, right?”

Liam shakes his head quickly, leaning over the table as if he can see the traces of sex on Louis if he just looks at him closely enough. Louis holds his breath as he does, not really sure why.

“No, you had sex for real. Oh god, you had sex, who did you have sex with?! Liam asks and his voice is a bit loud and a bit shriek-y and Louis doesn’t understand why this is such a big deal.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” He says innocently, trying to act as if there is truly nothing going on here. “No sex at all.”

Liam slams his hand on the table again before he starts laughing.

“You had sex with Nick. I knew it, you had sex with Nick!”

Louis knows the second his face goes a shade redder that he is probably not getting out of this without admitting the truth. Liam smirks, looking absolutely pleased with himself and it’s a bit gross.

“I knew it, I fucking knew it.” Liam hums, and now he goes back to eating his eggs. “So… you and Nick, huh?”

“There’s nothing going on.” Louis defends himself, rolling his eyes. “Honestly, nothing. Yeah so we had sex but that’s all. We’re really just friends.”

Liam arches an eyebrow as he looks at Louis.

“You haven’t had sex with anyone like this for over a year though.”

Louis protests with a loud huff.

“Are you kidding? I hook up with guys out in the clubs all the time that we go to. And in the skate parks.”

Liam laughs a little.

“Stop lying, maybe a bit of kissing but not actual sex because I know when you have sex you want to and it’s been a while. Sooo… how was he?” He wriggles his eyebrows and Louis wants to punch him.

“You are mean. I made you eggs and you are making fun of me.” He complains instead and Liam laughs.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I am just excited you have a boyfriend!”

Louis drops his fork.

“He is not my boyfriend.”

Liam just hums to himself again and Louis wants to protest again that Nick is not his boyfriend, he really isn’t.

They are just friends and that’s all.

 

~*~

 

“So after you and your non-boyfriend had sex, what did you do then?” Harry asks and Nick sighs. It’s the biggest sigh he has ever sighed, probably. He wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in London heard that sigh. Maybe everyone in England.

“He’s not my boyfriend, please stop calling him that.”

“But I didn’t!” Harry defends himself and he looks very pleased with that. “I called him your non-boyfriend. I’m playing by the rules, stop putting words in my mouth, Nicholas Grimshaw.”

Nick gives him a friendly shove and Harry giggles as he almost falls into the wall as he obviously play along.

“You’re an idiot.”

“And your best friend.” Harry nods and Nick rolls his eyes.

“Nah, that’s Collette. Or Pig, maybe. Or Fiona, or Matt, and then there’s Aimee and Henry and Pixie and then mayb…”

“Shhh stop.” Harry laughs, putting his hand over Nick’s mouth and Nick laughs too. “I am your best friend shut up.”

Nick grinned against Harry’s fingers, wanting to say something but Fiona shows up, interrupting him.

“Hey, if you two are done making out maybe we can go for lunch because Matt is impatient and frankly so am I.”

Harry laughs louder at that, removing his hand from Nick’s mouth.

“We weren’t making out, even if apparently Nick does that with all his friends, didn’t you hear? If you’re really lucky you might get fu….”

“Harold, shut up.” Nick says through the laughter as he pushes Harry away again. “Okay Fiona, let’s go for lunch, I’m hungry too.”

Fiona looks very amused about the whole thing and Nick is sure Harry told her everything, but he had expected it so he isn’t really that angry.

He is hungry, though.

 

~*~

 

Louis and Zayn rarely does go shopping because most of the time they are too lazy for it and the other times they don’t really have money, but now Zayn got some money from selling designs for tattoos, and Louis has more money than he usually does and there is the festival coming up soon.

They are just in need of new clothes. And shoes. And new everything, basically.

Louis kind of doesn’t really enjoy shopping with Zayn because it can be quite annoying, he always finds tons of clothes that he wants to try on and then he thinks nothing fits him, even though it usually does because Zayn has that face, that face that looks good with everything. It can frustrate Louis and usually ends with a play fight in the changing rooms and them being kicked out.

Now it’s Saturday though, the mall is strangely quiet for a Saturday and Louis has decided that today will be a good day and Zayn will find good clothes.

“I need new shoes.” Louis hums as they pass a few stores, looking for the vans that he has been eyeing in one window. “I really do need new shoes.”

“I know, you’ve said that.” Zayn says and he sounds a bit amused at that, running his fingers over Louis’ arm. “Don’t bore me with repetitive speaking.”

Louis snorts.

“Repetitive speaking, what is wrong with you?”

Zayn laughs and doesn’t respond to that, and Louis finally finds the store that just got the new vans in, and he pulls Zayn along with him.

“Come on, let’s go.”

“Hey, isn’t that Nick?” Zayn asks, and points to another direction and Louis looks up.

Yes it is Nick. With the curly haired boy he works with. Harry.

“Yeah.” Louis feels his heart skip a beat when he sees Nick. He is laughing at something Harry is saying and they are holding the biggest cups of coffee Louis has ever seen. His heart skips more beats when he sees Nick’s smile and he forces himself to just stop before his cheeks turn even more pink than they already have. He can’t do this.

“Do you want to say hi?” Zayn asks and Louis nods, maybe a bit too quickly but well, Nick is his friend and of course he is excited to see him.

“Yeah, come on.” Louis nods and then pulls Zayn with him as they walk over to them. It takes Louis a few seconds to get Nick’s attention because he is listening to something Harry is saying, but then they both look up and Nick smiles as he sees Louis.

“Louis! Hi. I didn’t think I’d see you here.”

“I do frequently visit other places than parks, Grimshaw.” Louis hums with a pleased grin as Nick gives him half a hug that maybe is a bit awkward because well, Zayn and Harry are both there and Louis isn’t blind to the way Zayn is grinning about this. Harry looks smug as well, and Louis wonders how much Nick has told him. Maybe everything. And Louis feels his heart skip another beat as he thinks about Nick talking about him and then he tells his heart to stop because it’s just not supposed to be skipping beats.

“I’m glad to see that.” Nick says with a little smile and motions to the bags in Harry’s hands. “Harold here needed to do a bit of shopping. So we’re here. Are you shopping too?”

Zayn nods.

“Yeah, getting some things for the festival. Can’t wear the same old things. Need to find something good.”

Harry’s face lights up as he mentions the festival.

“You’re going to the festival?!” He asks and he looks a bit like a happy puppy ready to bounce and wag his tail. Louis hopes he won’t do any of those things. It could be a bit awkward. “Both of you?”

“Yep.” Louis nods, running his fingers through his fringe. “We go every year, all we save up to. Best event of the year. Are you both going?”

“Well, I am.” Harry says, and he looks over at Nick with a little nod. “But the mister here, he hasn’t really made up his mind yet. Says he isn’t sure if he can get someone to watch Pig. But maybe, he is just getting to old for fun.”

Harry grins at that, Zayn snorts and Louis bites his lip as Nick gently pushes Harry to the side.

“Shut up, Styles. It really is all about Pig.”

“Maybe if Louis is going you can be convinced to come.” Harry adds quickly and that is Zayn’s lot and he starts laughing and Louis feels himself going red and Nick does too and this is ridiculous because Louis can’t even remember the last time he blushed like this.

“Uh.” Nick stammers and Louis desperately wants to come up with something witty say so that this isn’t just as awkward as they just made it.

“Shut up.” He says instead, which doesn’t really do the trick but it throws both Harry and Zayn into a fit of giggles that at least gives him some time to breathe. He glances up at Nick, and Nick is chewing so hard on his lower lip Louis is worried he might actually eat it.

“Maybe I can ask Collette to see if she can come.” Nick says after a while, and Harry and Zayn both look disgustingly smug now. Louis can’t help but smile happily as well too.

“Great! Maybe we should all go together, like in my car, usually it’s just me and Nick and that’s boring.” Harry says excitedly and Louis glances over at Zayn; they have never really roadtripped to the festival before, always taken the bus that takes two extra hours but it’s also a bit of the fun of it all. But Zayn nods, encouraging it.

“Yeah, why not, let me just work out the details.” Louis says and Harry grins.

“We should get lunch to celebrate.” He says, and then he puts long arms around all three of them to pull them with him. “My treat.”

 

 

~*~

 

One call to Collette and some plans later, Nick is actually ready to go to the festival. Not this instant, but he can start packing and truly planning. He hasn’t been to a festival in years, wondering if maybe he is too old for it but pushes those thoughts away. He can do this, he is not too old and finishing the Cowell project this week, he sure as hell deserves some fun.

He snaps a picture of his opened suitcase filling with things and sends it to Louis with the caption _‘are you packing?’_ and adds a cheeky wink emoji feeling absolutely proud of himself.

It takes only a minute before he gets a snap back, it’s Louis’ backpack and the caption _‘who packs in a suitcase going to a festival’_ and Nick snorts before he is slightly disappointed Louis didn’t even acknowledge his perfect pun, but then his phone buzzes for an incoming text.

**‘also, you know I’m packing’**

Nick grins and wonders how okay it is to text Louis to ask him if he can come over. He decides that it’s probably is.

 

Louis is there in 30 minutes and after Nick politely asks him if he wants tea or anything to eat Louis just shakes his head and drops to his knees, getting his half hard cock out so quickly Nick wonders if there has ever been anything feeling lovelier. He leans against the wall, running his hands through his hair a couple of times before he looks down at Louis, Louis who looks up at him with piercing blue eyes, looking perfect in a way someone probably shouldn’t look with their mouth filled with dick, but it just is.

Nick comes quicker than he would have wanted, and Louis swallows as if it’s delicious which Nick knows it’s probably really isn’t because even if he is getting better at eating lots of fruits since Harry started bugging him about being healthy, it’s probably isn’t enough.

But he doesn’t have time to even think about that because Louis is on his feet so quickly that Nick is a bit surprised, and then he is pulling Nick into the bedroom and as Nick fucks him into the mattress and into oblivion Nick thinks about that he is very much probably falling in love and that it is probably not a very good idea.

 

When they are done Louis stays for a couple of minutes in Nick’s arms, and just as Nick thinks that maybe tonight is the night he will stay until the morning, Louis sits up.

“I need to get back.” He whispers, pecking Nick’s lips a couple of times. “Liam will worry if I’m not back.”

“Text him.” Nick doesn’t mean to sound needy but it just slips out. “Please stay tonight.” His hand rests on Louis’ arm and Louis smiles a little before shaking his head.

“You’re cute. Sorry, I can’t though, I really need to get back to the flat but this weekend I won’t be that far away right? It will be great!”

It’s a bit too dark to see those lovely crinkles around Louis’ eyes that Nick has come to notice shows up when he smiles but he can hear the smile in his voice so Nick can imagine the crinkles and that’s about as good as anything. Nick smiles as well.

“I.. yeah, that’s great.”

“I am really looking forward to it.” Louis says and then he kisses Nick once more. “And now I really have to go.”

Nick steals one last kiss before Louis is dressed and out the door again.

 

~*~

 

Harry’s car is way fancier than Louis would expect from him, but Louis really doesn’t complain because if there is anything he likes it’s nice cars.

“I’m impressed.” He nods approvingly as he walks out of the flat, meeting Nick and Harry. It’s early, really early and normally Louis would be complaining and whining and not at all this talkative but it’s time for the festival, and he’s had three cups of tea and there is just too much nice going on for him to be grumpy. Harry grins, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

“Thanks, it’s my baby.”

Nick smiles at that and glances from Harry to Louis and Louis doesn’t mean to smile bigger when their eyes meet, it just happens.

“Hi.” He says and Nick smiles again, walking over to give him a hug. Louis allows himself to melt into Nick for just a couple of seconds.

“Hey, Lou.” Nick murmurs. “Where’s Zayn?”

Louis rolls his eyes as that.

“Late, as usual.”

Harry chuckles a little.

“Doesn’t he want to get going?”

“Malik, we’re leaving without you!” Louis yells and Harry laughs at that, as Nick just shakes his head.

“We can wait a couple of minutes.” He tries to tell Louis, but Louis just shakes his head.

“Oh no, he should know that we wait for nobody. Malik, hurry the fuck up!”

Finally after what feels like forever, Zayn appears, backpack over his shoulder and he grins as he sees them all waiting and he must be a bit impressed with Harry’s car as well.

“Nice. I call shotgun!”

“Wha…” Louis starts to complain that the one who is 15 minutes late do not get to call shotgun, but Zayn has already jumped into the car and seated himself, and Harry laughs before he gets in front of the wheel and that leaves Louis and Nick. Nick shrugs.

“Guess we weren’t fast enough, love.” Nick grins and Louis pouts before he laughs, playfully shoving Nick over to his side of the car.

“You better have great car games to play to entertain me.” He nods as they are seated, belts on and Harry starts the car after fixing up the GPS.

Nick looks like he is thinking about it, like actually rummaging his brains for good car games and it’s way too sweet and not something Louis had been prepared to handle this early in the morning. How dare he be this endearing. Honestly.

“Let’s start off with the license plate game.” Nick decides. “Because you know, it’s simple. And it’s still too early for complicated games.”

The other agrees.

Louis thinks this is nicer than he would have thought.

 

~*~

 

They get to the camp for the festival after lunch and even if they are starving, they decide to put up the tents first before going anywhere else.

Nick doesn’t remember the part that putting up a tent is this much hard work. Especially considering that he is pretty sure the guy selling them the tent that him and Harry are staying in said this would be easy. It really isn’t.

When they are finally done, he is sweating and grumpy while Harry just giggles at how it took them three times longer than Louis and Zayn, who got their tent up and time for two beers while waiting for Nick and Harry to finish.

“I need a beer.” Nick grunts and takes Louis’ from him without asking, taking a deep sip.

“Hey!” Louis complains, but he doesn’t take it back, not even when Nick sits down next to him and the beer is in very comfortable reach for him. Nick takes this as him being okay with Nick stealing his beer, and therefor he finishes the whole thing before giving Louis a new one.

“Catfish plays tonight.” Harry says excitedly and Louis grimaces.

“Like the TV show more.”

“At least there’s beer.” Nick says and Louis nods at that.

“You need to buy me one, since you drank mine. Also, you’re like rich.”

Nick laughs and agrees.

“Sure. As many as you want.”

“Trying to get me drunk, Grimshaw?” Louis arches an eyebrow and Zayn coughs.

“Please stop flirting in front of the children.” Zayn comments, and Louis can’t help but blush at that.

“We’re…”

“I’d love to see Catfish.” Zayn interrupts though before anyone can say anything, and Harry lights up at that.

“Yes!”

“Can we get some food first, then decide what we are going to see, and then get more of these?” Louis points to the beers and then stands up. “Because if I drink more without any food I will be passed out before you even have time to drag me anywhere.”

“Food it is.” Nick laughs, and they all grab the stuff they can’t leave behind to go get something close to food in their stomachs.

After finding a cheap café that Zayn and Louis likes, they eat greasy fish and chips while reading through listings of bands and trying to decide who to listen to.

Nick doesn’t really focus on the way Louis’ knee bump against his now and then under the table. He really doesn’t.

 

~*~

 

Harry and Nick are talking about the music or something work related that Louis doesn’t get, but what he does get is another beer which he takes with him to find Zayn.

Zayn is just saying bye to some blonde girls and Louis wraps an arm around his waist as soon as he is close enough.

“Hey handsome, come here often?” He asks, batting his eyelashes in Zayn’s direction. Zayn snorts.

“Maybe, but aren’t you a bit too taken to flirt with handsome blokes?”

Louis downs his beer, looking at Zayn as if he is stupid.

“Zayn, I’m not taken.” He says, still staring at Zayn. He is just drunk enough so that it’s a bit difficult to stand still, and keep his eyes focused. “I am free as a bird. So fucking single, Zee.”

Zayn snorts. Zayn, who doesn’t seem to be that drunk but a little bit high and Louis wonders when he had time to smoke and why he didn’t share anything with him. Was Louis really that busy listening to hipster music with Nick and Harry that he missed out on weed? This was not good.

“Could have fooled me.” Zayn nods as if he knows something Louis doesn’t, and clearly, Louis should know if he wasn’t single.

Even if he knows what Zayn is referring to, he won’t act like he does. Not now.

“I am not dating Nick, we’re really just friends, we hook up with others all the time. If I could pull here, I would, don’t you dare question that.” Louis says, sounding a bit feisty and way more challenging than he had intended to sound. Zayn laughs again.

“Darling, I think we both know you won’t. You look kind of in love to be honest.”

“In lo…” Louis can’t believe what he is hearing. “In love? Zayn you are dumb. Ridiculous. What did you smoke? I don’t fall in love, I am not… I’m not in love with Nick.”

Zayn raises an eyebrow. Louis tosses his empty beer bottle at him.

“Wanker, I am not in love. We’re friends and I can hook up with anyone I want, Nick and I have nothing else but that.” He says, a fiery tone to his voice. Zayn nods as if he doesn’t believe a word that Louis is saying. It pisses him off even more.

“Whatever you say, Tommo.”

“Fuck you.” Louis spits out, and he isn’t sure why he is pissed. He only knows that he has things to prove and if Zayn doesn’t believe that he is free and single and not the slightest bit in love, he needs to prove that to him.

 

~*~

 

 

Nick loses Harry in the crowd somewhere when Harry starts talking to this bassist from a band Nick has never heard of, and Nick is a bit tipsy and wondering if maybe he’s had enough and should find his way back to their tents, or find Louis.

He stumbles forwards in the crowd, getting away from the people until it’s mostly a person here and there chatting someone up or sitting in the grass smoking or drinking and Nick feels like he is breathing in a bunch of things he hasn’t really tried for ages.

He is about to try to find his phone to text Louis when he sees him.

Really sees him.

With another guy. Exchanging saliva in the sloppiest way Nick has seen.

The guy is ridiculously gorgeous. He’s got one hand on Louis’ hip, the other one tangles in his hair and Louis is kissing him back so eagerly that Nick feels as if his heart breaks into a million pieces. There is a tree nearby, Louis is pressed against it as the guy just kiss him sloppily and his hands grab him everywhere and Nick just doesn’t _understand._

And it’s probably the worst pain he has ever experienced. Especially when he hears Louis let out a little drunken giggle as they pull apart.

Nick coughs. He isn’t sure if it was planned to get attention or if it just happens but he coughs anyway. The guy looks over, grinning a little before he kisses Louis’ cheek, whispering something in his ear and then he takes off. Nick isn’t sure if he takes off because of him, or if really the snogging session was just over and it was time for him to leave anyway. Louis looks up and he meets Nick’s eyes. His eyes look a bit wet at first before they turn a bit darker, maybe to mimic the way Nick can feel his face looking absolutely furious.

“What?” Louis asks, and the way he looks so confused as to why Nick is looking at him like that absolutely break Nick’s heart. “What’s up?”

“Can we talk?” Nick asks, and he didn’t mean to clench his jaw or say this through gritted teeth but he just can’t help himself. Louis rolls his eyes and nods.

“Sure. What’s up?” he says again, and Nick doesn’t want to do this here.

“Can we go to your tent?” He asks instead and Louis thinks about it before nodding.

They make their way inside and Nick takes a deep breath as he looks up at Louis.

“So…”

“He was fit, wasn’t he?” Louis arches an eyebrow. “Good kisser.”

Nick wonders if he is trying to hurt him or what this is. He takes a deep breath.

“Louis, I thought that…”

“You thought what?” Louis asks and Nick is so frustrated he wants to scream, but he doesn’t. Instead when he speaks again his voice is so weak.

“Why did you kiss him?”

They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. Then Louis throws his head back, before glaring at Nick.

“Darling, there is nothing you even have to comment on here.” Louis says, and Nick just wants to rip his own hair out and throw it at him. “The guy was fit and I wanted to feel him up a little, why are you being like this?”

Nick feels his blood pulsating in his veins. And maybe he shouldn’t, maybe he shouldn’t be angry but he can’t stop himself. It’s already raging anger filling his veins and he hates the other guy, he feels a burning hate for everyone that touches Louis and it almost scares him a little.

“I guess I was dumb to think we had something, _darling_.” He says instead, and Louis’ eyes go dark.

“Don’t you dare darling me right now, Nicholas.”

Nick protests with arms out.

“You just…”

“I don’t even see what the problem is!” Louis says. “I don’t understand why you’re being in such a pissy mood when we are at a festival and supposed to have fun. You’re ruining my fun.”

“I didn’t know you had fun like that with others.” Nick lets the words slip out before he can stop himself. Louis pauses.

“We fuck and snog a little and suddenly you think you own me?” Louis hisses, and Nick wonders if he is still drunk, and he doesn’t even really care because he just wants to get this over with.

“I never said I owe you.” He snaps. “But you don’t find me out here snogging other lads, right? Because I only want to snog you.”

Louis doesn’t have a comeback for that. Nick can see that he is thinking about what he said, and as if he is trying to figure out a proper reaction.

“Maybe you shouldn’t only want to kiss me then.” Louis says, and his voice isn’t angry anymore. It’s calm, but it pierces through Nick’s entire being and it feels like he breaks with each word. “Because I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to get into some exclusive shit. I don’t have feelings for you. It’s not about that.”

Nick takes a step back. It honestly feels like he has been stabbed so many times now he has lost the ability to feel. He wants to tell Louis that he is sure Louis is lying, that there isn’t a chance that he feels that way because he knows, and everyone has been telling him that it must be different. But he can’t find the words.

“Fine.” Nick snaps. “Maybe we shouldn’t do anything. Maybe we shouldn’t even talk.”

“Fine.” Louis snaps just as quick and maybe there is a slight tremble to his voice but it could be anger.

Nick is already climbing through the tent entrance, leaving a text for Harry as he grabs his bag and the things he can see in their tent that belongs to him, before he calls for a taxi to the train station.


	7. vii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took forever.... i'm sorry..... SO SORRY.

~*~

 

Harry is so pissed at him that Nick is almost afraid to pick up the phone after reading his texts from him. Only that he isn’t, he isn’t really afraid because he doesn’t really care. He doesn’t feel anything. After leaving and getting back home, it isn’t until he is back with Collette and Pig who wonders why he left so early, that he realizes how he basically left Harry with just a text saying that he was leaving, and no other explanation. It isn’t weird if Harry would be worried. It isn’t strange of Harry to maybe be a bit disappointed and angry with him.

But Nick doesn’t really care right now because all he wants is to forget ever being at that stupid festival, forget ever meeting people, forget ever seeing Louis with that guy.

He just wants to forget Louis altogether. Doesn’t even want to be remembered of what used to be, doesn’t want to be remembered of the fact that it was just a few days ago since Louis was in his bed and they were kissing and touching and Louis was close to him and laughing and being absolutely amazing.

Because apparently that was Nick’s biggest mistake in a long time and he isn’t going to keep making any more mistakes right now. He can’t do that. He needs to stay focused.

He lets Pig sleep in his bed, even if she usually isn’t allowed in it, and as she snuggles up to him like the cute little adorable puppy she is, licking his face as if she can tell how upset Nick is (which Nick loves her for, loves her so much for it) he deletes Louis’ number out of his phone. There is no need keeping it.

He falls asleep missing all the texts from Harry, and he isn’t remotely in need of talking to him as his phone rings.

He does pick up though, because Harry doesn’t seem to want to give up on that.

“Where the fuck did you go?” Harry greets him and he sounds so angry, Nick is almost tempted to hang up right away or tell him wrong number. He can tell by the tone of Harry’s voice though that it would absolutely set Harry off completely, maybe even cause him to come over and Nick really, really doesn’t want to meet Harry right now. He really doesn’t want to meet him or anyone. He wants to be alone and he wants to forget that anyone even exists outside of this room where it’s him and Pig and re-runs of Come Dine With Me.

“Went back.” He replies instead, trying to not sound as if this is a big deal, even if he knows that it is. “Just got bored with it.”

“Bored with it.” Harry echoes and he doesn’t believe him, he doesn’t believe a word of what he is saying and Nick knows this, but it still doesn’t mean that he isn’t going to at least try to convince Harry that everything is fine and that nothing happened with Louis.

“Yeah.” He says, sitting down on the edge of the bed and patting Pig’s head. “I guess I’m too old for it, you know. Too old for music and… festivals and… people.”

“Right.” Harry’s voice is proof that he isn’t buying this, he isn’t even buying one single word of this. “And I guess this has nothing to do with Louis snogging another lad, huh?”

Nick doesn’t even reply at first, because he doesn’t know what to say. He wants to ask Harry how he knows, and he also wants to cry a little, and he also wants to come up with a way to permanently remove memories from your brain because that’s what he wants to do about this, he doesn’t want to remember Louis’ tongue stuck down another man’s throat.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He decides on in the end, and he hopes that the way he can tell his own voice is shaking, isn’t coming through on the phone and that Harry will miss that. “Now, I have to go for a walk with Pig.”

“Don’t you dare hang up on me, Grimshaw.” Harry warns him and Nick sighs, tempted to throw his phone against the wall if that would help with making everyone go away. “I know what happened because Louis told me and Zayn warned that…”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Nick cuts him off, because he really, really doesn’t want to hear this right now. Not at all. “I’ll see you at work.”

“Ni…” Harry starts, but Nick hangs up this time and then turns his phone off and wonders how long he can keep it like that until people will start showing up at his house to get in contact with him.

 

~*~

 

Louis feels like if he is trying to come out of the longest hangover of his life, only that maybe it isn’t a hangover because he hasn’t even been drinking that much and the last thing he drank was days ago, and the sickness in his gut isn’t the one normal after drinking.

He feels guilty and sad and hates himself at the same time he is very much pitying himself and it makes him feel gross altogether.

“Louis, please tell me why you’re like this.” Liam begs after five days of Louis being nothing but grumpy and not saying anything but what is really needed.

“This is just the way I am, Liam, if it doesn’t suit you maybe you should leave.” Louis suggests, voice harsh and snappy and Liam really doesn’t deserve to be at the receiving end of that, not at all.

Liam stops, and his expressions harden.

“Fine.” He snaps as well, apparently very tired of it all and Louis doesn’t blame him, he really doesn’t. “Don’t talk to me, be a little bitch, but don’t expect me to try anymore okay? You’re on your own.”

He makes a move to walk away, maybe actually leaving the place and Louis doesn’t want him to do that.

“Stop.” He whimpers, feeling himself tearing up which wasn’t the plan at all, and it really wasn’t the plan to start crying either, but he does. Big tears, much like the ones he hasn’t really cried since he was a child, starts rolling down his cheeks and he reaches for Liam in a way a needy child does as well. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He sobs and Liam stops.

He doesn’t leave, he sighs though before he comes back to Louis, wrapping his arms around him. Louis sobs into his chest, not saying anything because he isn’t sure if he even can say anything, everything is just tears right now and it’s like he opened up some gates that has been closed a long time because no when they are pen, he doesn’t seem to be able to stop.

Liam lets him cry though and Louis sobs, clinging to Liam and hoping that no one will walk in on them being a mess like this. His tears are all over Liam’s shirt, making it wet and salty.

“Louis, please tell me what’s wrong.” Liam whispers, and Louis takes a deep breath, thinking that maybe he will be able to actually talk to him right now but instead he lets out a new series of sobs.

It takes about ten minutes before he is actually calm enough to form words. By that time Zayn is home as well, and Louis doesn’t even realize that he is home until the bed dips under his weight, and Louis realizes he didn’t even register the fact that Liam had moved them to the bed. Then he feels another pair of arms around him and the smell of Zayn’s cologne and cigarettes, and he takes another deep breath of air.

“Is this about Nick?” Zayn whispers into Louis’ ear and Liam lets out an _‘ooh’_ as if he is finally starting to understand what this could be about. Louis lets out a little sigh.

“No. Ridiculous. Why would it be about Nick. There is nothing…”

“It’s about Nick.” Zayn interrupts, giving Liam a knowing look and Louis doesn’t even feel like arguing because he is tired and sad and he wants to cry and not try to pretend anymore.

“What happened?” Liam asks, and he wraps his arms even tighter around Louis now, and Louis would be worried about maybe him breaking a couple of his ribs but he’s not, because he really just want Liam close.

“I messed up. Or I think I hurt him.” Louis finally confesses, and it takes longer than he thought to get the words out. Zayn kisses his temple as Liam frowns.

“How?” Liam murmurs and Louis sighs, hiding his face against Liam’s chest as if he doesn’t even want to look at him.

“We… I… we aren’t together.” Louis whispers. “And I… told him that and I… made out with this guy and… he got hurt and I…”

He doesn’t even know if he makes sense or if anything that comes out of his mouth right now is understandable, but as Liam and Zayn both nods he thinks it must be enough to at least have them understand a bit of it.

“Louis…” Zayn shakes his head. “I… I really think you need to talk to him, figure it out. Your feelings and what you are doing and want from each other.”

Louis shakes his head. He wants to cry again. This is stupid.

“I can’t. I really can’t. It’s not like that.”

Liam frowns again.

“Louis…”

Louis shakes his head, trying to struggle free which isn’t easy because Liam and Zayn have him squished between them, but soon he manages and he stands up.

“I can’t.” He repeats. “It’s not like that and I can’t… I can’t do this.”

Zayn opens his mouth as well but Louis doesn’t hear him.

“Going to work.” He mumbles and grabs his jacket before he heads out. He can hear Liam protest but he really doesn’t have time to listen to any of that right now.

 

~*~

 

Nick is on his way home when his phone starts ringing and he is a bit confused because he doesn’t recognize the number and that is always a bit of a surprise because he is careful with who he gives his number to. Harry looks up from his desk, just packing up his things as well and looks as confused as Nick feels when he notices the look on Nick’s face. Nick shrugs and picks up.

“Hello?”

At first he doesn’t hear anything, just the slight sound of something in the background and then there’s a weak voice.

“Nick?”

“Who is this?” Nick asks and now he is feeling scared because this isn’t a normal call, he can just tell this isn’t a normal call.

“It’s… Zayn.” There’s a thump and then he hears someone else in the background which makes him believe it must be Liam, and Zayn calls out to him saying there’s bandage in the cupboard.

“Zayn?” Nick doesn’t even know what to say right now. “What is going on?”

“Nick.” Zayn sounds close to tears or panic and Nick panics as well because Zayn usually feels very calm and now he is not and if he is calling Nick this must mean there is something about Louis.

Something is wrong.

“Zayn, tell me what’s wrong.” Nick says, and he glances up at Harry who is chewing on his lower lip hard. Zayn breaks down again.

“He’s really hurt.”

Nick feels as if something puts a knife through his heart and twists it a couple of times.

“Where are you?”

“Our place..” Zayn whispers, and Nick doesn’t even think.

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

He hangs up, grabbing his wallet and keys, not even bothering to explain anything to Harry. Harry stops him though.

“Nick, what’s going on…”

“Louis.” Nick says. He is tearing up and he doesn’t want to. “I… I have to go.”

Harry looks at him and Nick gives himself a moment to look back.

“You know you’re in love with him right?” Harry asks, and Nick doesn’t even know what to reply to that.

“I’m…”

“Because you are, love.” Harry says and he sounds sweet, sincere, caring. Nick wants to cry, wants to cry because the truth is so obvious and it’s not as if he doesn’t know that he’s in love with Louis. He knows that. He’s known it for weeks maybe, even if everything’s been shit and there’s been so much that hasn’t worked out the way he thought they would, he knows that he is in love with Louis. One hundred percent. In love. And Nick hasn’t been in love for years, Nick wasn’t even sure if it’s what he was those last times he thought he would, and he wasn’t really sure if he would ever find anyone.

But he did. He found Louis and now he is in love with him and he needs to go, he really needs to go.

“I know I am.” He whispers, admitting it to Harry making it feel so much worse, but in a good way. As if one weight is lifted off his shoulders the same time a new one adds to it. “I know I am, believe me. It doesn’t change what he feels about me. And it doesn’t change that I need to go now.”

Harry nods, as if he understands which is weird because Nick isn’t sure that he even understands, so he struggles to understand how Harry can understand all of this. Because it’s complicated, it’s so very complicated and Nick isn’t sure if he’s ever been through anything this complicated before in his life.

“Good luck.” Harry says.

And Nick runs.

 

~*~

 

He gets lost on the way, which makes it feel as if he is in one of those dreams where you have to get someplace quickly and you just can’t seem to be able to do that. He lets out a frustrated groan before he finally finds the right street and he runs up the stairs, opening the door to the place without even knocking.

Liam looks up as he comes in.

“Where is he?”

“In there.” Liam looks pale and shaken up. “Nick, he’s really badly…”

Nick rushes past him. He walks into the bedroom, where Zayn is kneeling in front of the bed and Louis is on it.

Even from a distance Nick can see bruises and blood.

“Louis.” He whispers and Louis looks up, lifting his head and he whimpers.

“Ni…”

“God, Louis.” Nick almost jumps over to him, ignoring Zayn, just needing to see him. He starts sobbing as he sees the cut over Louis’ eye, the bruises on his arm and the way the shirt is bloody and the bandages over his arms are bloody too. “You need a hospital.”

Louis shakes his head.

“N-no no hospital no…”

Zayn shakes his head even if he doesn’t seem to like it.

“He doesn’t want to… we thought we…”

“Who did this to you?” Nick whispers and Louis closes his eyes. Zayn moves, giving Nick more room and Nick sits on the edge of the bed, making sure he isn’t hurting Louis. Louis moves closer with a sob.

“This… this guy… it hurts…”

“I’m here now.” Nick whispers, and his heart is beating faster. Louis looks so tiny, so fragile and broken and Nick never wants this to happen to him again, wishes he could have been there to stop it but he wasn’t and he never wants Louis to be like this again. Never. “Louis, it’s going to be okay. I’m here.”

Nick doesn’t notice Zayn leaving until the door closes. He looks up, Louis whimpering.

“C-come… here… can you just… hold me…”

Nick manages to fit in the bed. He holds Louis close, trying to not hurt him more even if he knows from the size of the bruises and cuts that his whole body must be sore.

“I’m here.” He repeats, even if he doesn’t know if that helps even remotely.

“Why?” Louis sobs. “I was horrible to you. Why are you here?”

“Because that’s what I do.” Nick whispers, brushing Louis’ hair out of the way, touching the cheekbones that he is pretty sure will always be his favorite thing on Louis’ body. On any body he has ever seen. “I never do thing halfway. Either I’m all in… or not in at all.”

“You’re an idiot.” Louis lets out a little sob, but he leans into Nick’s touch. “You’re an idiot that cares about me, I’m just a mess and I have no idea why you bother.”

“Because it’s what I do.” Nick repeats and he pulls Louis even closer, carefully still, but closer so that Louis is completely wrapped up in him in a way that makes Nick feels as if he won’t ever let anything hurt him again ever, and he is sure Louis feels that too. Or he hopes he does, anyway.

“I want to quit.” Louis sobs into Nick’s chest and Nick feels his heart breaking for him. “I want to quit all of it. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t. I want to quit.”

Nick nods, kissing his temple, nodding again for no reason at all and then kissing his temple again before taking a deep breath.

“We’ll figure it out.” He whispers, hoping that he isn’t making a promise now that he won’t be able to keep.

“You can’t promise that.” Louis whispers and Nick feels as if he is reading his mind, and then again he knows that no one reads him like Louis does.

“I can try.” He says instead, and Louis seems to be fine with that as he drifts off to sleep in Nick’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me at tumblr/twitter, i am @babygotstyles ILY xoxo


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